I really do not understand why you are getting so defensive.
Yes, when we hit rock bottom and somehow manage to keep standing that is a good thing. Very good.
In case you are not aware, I also had an actual nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with a situational panic disorder in April of 2009. I also have lupus so I certainly understand medical issues.
Think of your situation as a series of peaks and valleys. You are always REALLY high or REALLY low. At this time nothing has evened out.
Less than a few weeks ago your W was very active in affairs. Be it physical or emotional affairs, other people were in the mix. You busted them and five days later (if I am understanding your posts correctly) you and your W are dating. IMO that smacks of rebounding.
Take some time to really study the psychology of an affair. There is a period of withdrawal and *I* certainly would not want to be the "filler" while my spouse was withdrawing from an affair. Again, you are both working on a "high" instead of reality. The "high" feeling and longevity don't really go hand in hand. Hence the reason we have said to go dark. Your W has all kinds of things to figure out before she starts "dating" again. Even if the person she is dating is you. It appears you are her fallback option. She knows you will be there and you were. When she senses you are slipping away a bit she starts with the calls/texts/crocodile tears and you fall for it hook, line and sinker. The person who cares least about the R controls it. She is in control.
There are hundreds of amazing people on this site and we all can learn so much every single day no matter where we are in life. It may not be what we want to hear but it's still important we allow it to sink in and at the very least give it some thought. Experience is a very wise teacher.
