I have a theory, it's mine I have never read this anywhere so bear with me, that divorce busting doesn't get effective until the LBS becomes wayward as well.
By this I mean they get to a state of mind where the following is in effect :
1. They don't want divorce, but they aren't afraid of it. 2. They love their spouse, but they don't want to be around them 3. They put their health and safety first before the happiness of their spouse 4. They have discovered a great deal of anger and the spouse is the target of choice 5. They are willing to withold information from their spouse to protect themselves 6. They ENJOY the time they have when their spouse is not around
I think spouses really have a lot more personal power once they get to this stage, one you are describing above. This stage is not all that different from what the WS thinks or behaves like.
The key difference is that you got there gradually while fighting for your marriage, so you have CONTROL over this while the WS doesn't.
It is good to see. I am happy to see when people reclaim thier dignity, and to my mind this is a big part of the fight when you fight for your marraige. You don't just fight your spouse's doubts or thier indifferece, you have to fight for your dignity too... because the WS is walking all over you the whole time.
Allen, hope you don’t mind me posting your advice to 4luv here. It just really struck me that I have almost been here before but keep fighting the feeling as I feel as if I need to be the BBD for a bit before letting my “had enough” emotions get to me.
Interesting too that H has been very darkly angry at me a few times when he discovered I hadn’t told him everything and twice has said “it seems you have some secrets from me as well.” In almost an evil tone of voice… very unlike anything I have ever heard come out of his mouth before (although I did hear it frequently with XBF who was a drug addict) He said this when I told him that I changed the locks on the apt and when he found out that I had spoke to his friends behind his back (whom he had already told lies about me to…) He REALLY didn’t like it when I surprised him like that. However, him not liking something does not equate to doing something that is working to bring us back together, so I’ve been really mulling this one over for a while.
