Faith without works... (my new thread)

[james217]

James....Dude...take a chill pill!!!

You are stressing me out just from your posts. If you ramble like this in person, how in the world could your WAW deal with you? I am not trying to be mean but am going to probably upset you......

1. When an 8 year old misbehaves, there is a reason behind it and signing her over the CPS is not going to accomplish anything but more acting out. If you are as educated as you say you are, you should know that. If your mother was previously a social worker, she should have told you that. That mistake will cost you for a long time.
2. If you read your posts, you have a habit of blaming everyone else for everything...your wife spending money is your SILs fault, wife losing job is someone's fault, etc. Sh!t happens to us all. Such is life.
3. Your wife is 31, not 13. How can SD's grandmother trick a grown woman? Is WAW that gullible?
4. Are you going to get a job or go to college? You seem to be changing your mind all the time. You need to set some realistic goals.
5. Where are your S10 and S3? And when you say..WAW went to court with me so my mom did not have to, what did you mean?

Ill answer these by the numbers. I don’t ramble like this in person. When my thoughts hit on here I’ll just post how I feel at that moment. Vent whatever. Maybe I should make a venting journal and then an organized post on here.

1) Last March, when SD8 acted out sexually on the boys, we took her to childrens hospital to get her evaluated to find out if she had been sexually abused herself. SIL used to watch her and one of her friends (who I also know) was sexually abused when we were in Jr High when I went to school with WAW brother. This friend is also the mother of SD8’S cousin (who is also my godson). We did not know that SD8 had been around her. After the examination. A cps referal was given. They recommended cps observe her for 72 hours to find out what her mental, physical, and emotional state were like. That is all that was supposed to happen. Within those 3 days, cps came by the house and alleged neglect, abuse, and all this other crap. They also tried to make me a suspect. I gave dna, I did whatever they were willing to ask, but because of the past charge against me which had been overturned exonerating me over 7 years ago (nothing sexual) they still continued to focus on me instead of not only getting counseling for sd8 but for the boys as well. They even had it where I had to be monitored with all three children by WAW. They came back and made me LEAVE MY OWN RESIDENCE (even though I was on the lease and WAW medical POA) and started drilling WAW for 3 hours. WAW was already on medical leave from work (she has epilepsy) because she had been hospitalized 3 times having multiple seizures. The last time she fell down the stairs during a seizure and hit her head on our fireplace as well as on the floor several times and had a knot on her head. That happened about 2 days before she signed the temporary state custody documents. She had TOTAL MEMORY LOSS. She was heavilty medicated and they brought all these documents telling her to sign this and that which gave them temporary custody of SD8. There was NOTHING I COULD DO TO STOP IT.

2) The money being spent is WAW’s fault. WAW losing her job was SIL’s fault. We knew nothing about additional documents needing to be signed. We provided documents to WAW’s direct supervisor we filled out the forms. We provided the medical information. They stated that was all they needed. WAW supervisor is no longer with the company. She got fired because other employees complained about her. We found this out months later. When WAW went to pick out her check she still did not know she was terminated. She thought she was on leave until she opened her check last MAY and discovered she got paid for one day although she had almost 300 hours of sick time left before FLMA was to even start. We had already found a place to go. We were on the verge of signing the lease. Supervisor was angry because a complain was filed with the Union due to WAW being overworked (doctor told us this because Supervisor would always ask WAW to work 3 and 4 hours OT instead of others and threaten being fired) and having a seizure at work. Supervisor knew about it and still tried to make her work. I had to come get her and take her home and to the hospital. Our old townhome was not covered by state law apartment association. So when we complained about things being broken and unfixed (such as our refrigrerator and other issues) the leasing lady got mad, stated we did not pay our rent (which we did I have a receipt for it) and made us leave. She sent the police there and according to the law we had 3 days to move. That’s also why WAW gave custody to the state. We called her parents, my parents, the paternal grandmother and nobody wanted to take SD8 just for a few days to prevent her from going into state custody. While we got a new place. In the report, WAW mother stated if she loses SD8 it’s not her problem. There was also a cps report filed by SD8’S school because she had been absent a few days and been misbehaving and acting out at school. SIL had agreed to take SD8 to school since she did not live far away and SIL’S twin D9’s went to the same private school. WAW could not drive due to epilepsy and I could not drive until I got my eye issues resolved. My father was retired and was taking SD8 to school to help out but he went back to work and we were trying to get SD8 evaluated before enrolling her in another school or deciding if she just needed to be homeschooled.

3) WAW has epilepsy. She has been under doctor’s care for over a year. She had a nervous breakdown as well and was suicidal. She was given antidepressants and a referral for counseling. She had about 25 to 30 major seizures last year. They tried several types of medicine. Finally around August she stopped having them after a medical pill change. Then she did not have them again. Since she had no medical insurance she had to change doctors and go to the state doctors. They changed her back to the pill that she’s supposed to take with antidepressants and did not stop her seizures. They did this pill change in march. It makes her act bipolarish. It makes her irrational. It makes her depressed. But in her mind she thinks shes fine. She had two visits with SD8 this year. One over New Years (SD8’s bday) and the 2nd when she did not come back. Paternal grandmother convinced her to sign over SD8 rights. Even though her attorney, our counselor, both families and even the state were attempting RECONCILIATION. We were attending all those services to get her back. She would reside with paternal grandmother until we got health issues and job issues and a stable environment for her. We had been doing this for 5 months and then all of a sudden she just signs them away? Doesn’t make any sense. The grandmother was upset at them for giving us the services in the first place and said she would fight WAW tooth and nail for SD8. She also blamed me for everything even though WAW explained that it was NOT MY FAULT. The only thing I did was take her into the facility while WAW waited in the car with my father.

4) I’m going to do both. I’m going to work and then go to college online.

5) S10 and S3 are with bio mom. I’ve been entrenched in a nasty custody and financial battle for them although this crap with SD8 really messed it up because both boys are all over the report. WAW has done more for S10 AND S3 than bio mom has ever done. Mom was going to take me to court. WAW went instead cause she loves both boys. They both refer to her as mom and S10 wants to come live with us. S3 has been throwing temper tantrums because We have not seen him in months. I last saw S10 over spring break and he was extremely upset behind all of this.

The stress of all of this finally got to me and I had a nervous breakdown in September after ranting and raving at school. I was having diabetic seizures and did not know it. I did not know I even had diabetes. So now I'm alot more under control.

[james217]

Why are you shouting when you type? Why do you have to say "freakin" to get your point across? Why are you so defensive when you hear things you do not like?

Over the course of a few weeks you talked about suicide, leaving your parents home in the middle of the night and moving to a shelter THEN the next day you were okay THEN you were for sure going dark, then gray, now we are nuts to even suggest such a thing and the cycle continues.

Yes, you and your WAW seem to blame an awful lot on other people. If your W knew paperwork was coming and she had not received it for TWO months and her income/medical insurance was riding on the paperwork why didn't she follow up with the person who sent it? It's not your SIL's fault, it's your W fault for not taking care of her own business and being diligent.

You are all over the map and until you are ready to stop reeling and running in circles nothing will change. Since you asked, no, I see nothing positive with what is going on. It's drama and surface changes/gestures. It may not always be that way but for now it is IMO.

Yes I was thinking about going to a shelter. Yes I said I did not want to be here. I also found out that those thoughts were brought on by my untreated diabetes.

Nobody could tell me what the issue was. WHy I kept getting sick. I saw alot of doctors. I was getting frustrated. So now i'm fine.

I've started working on my own issues by changing therapists, working on setting some goals, prayer and evaluating myself.

How did we not follow up? I consistently emailed her supervisor. The medical POA was notarized and signed by both of us in case anything like this ever happened. It was faxed and provided to her as well. She stated that she had everything she needed and after SICK LEAVE RAN OUT then FLMA would start. She even mailed a certified packet to us and we filled it out and turned it in. We gave her the medical forms. It's kind of hard for WAW to do that when she's consistently in the freaking hospital or at the doctor. But I stayed in consistent contact. She lost her job behind doing this type of nonsense. Alot of other employees went to the union and complained as well.

WAW came to her job at the beginning of MAY and picked up her last check and the woman mentioned nothing about needing any additional forms. We both asked. 2 weeks later she was terminated and we found out when she was checking on her pension and trying to fill out her time sheet and could not login.

WAW mind totally shut down after all those seizures. it's still not right. She just had an eeg about 2 weeks ago. She's still under doctor's care.

Paternal Grandmother knows all this but she doesn't care. She just wants SD8 so she can keep all her little benefits and knows that unless she convinced a woman who is still supposed to be in counseling and taking antidepressants to give up the rights to her daughter after browbeating her and threatening her and not allowing her to see SD8 when she went down there. she purposely waited until she got down there to pull this nonsense.

I rant and rave on here. I thought I could do that. Then I go about my day like a normal functioning person. I cry and get a little deprssed but my therapist says that's normal.

No one said whoo hoo we had 3 dates everything is fixed. I know it's going to take alot of work. I haven't said man everything is back to normal she should come home now.

I'm working through things. I express alot of my thoughts on here.

But like I stated at least we are scratching the surface. At least we can have conversations without blowups. That's progress. At least we can have a few dates. At least we can enjoy each others company express our opinoins and confide and laugh and joke and be loving.

I'm going to this final interview for this job. I think I will pass with flying colors and start work in a week. That's progress.

I had a successful court case on monday. that's progrss.

WAW is atually listening to me about a few things. that's progress.

So instead of reminding me what happened yesterday and the day before? Why not focus on the positive things i'm trying to and the few things i have accomplished.

Finally getting my rigid contact lens is progress. finally finding out about a halth condition that I didn't know about and how to treat it is progress.

losing the weight and exercising is progress.

finding out what can be done to repair my right eye on friday is progress.

Filling out over 500 applications and getting interviews is progress.

admitting I need help and getting it is progress.

a man has to crawl again before he can walk.

I had hit rock bottom and i'm still standing and you know what? to me that is progress.

[james217]

im getting ready to go to my job interview. shouldn't take too long. hopefully i know something by the end of the day. *crosses fingers*

[robx]

...a man has to crawl again before he can walk.

Actually a baby has to crawl before it learns to walk.
You know how to walk, you've just been preferring crawling because you're so used to being happy with the crumbs you are given by your wife and those crumbs and sprinkled gingerly on the ground, hence the requirement for crawling. If you had high standards for yourself, you wouldn't settle for crumbs, you'd let her be for a while, you'd focus on you and get your $hit together and stop trying to impress a wife who's been having affairs and giving your herpes - something to think about.

When you settle for less, expect to get less.
When you stop settling and only expect the best, expect the best things to start happening in your life.

[robx]

good luck in the job interview,
be cool, calm, collected, just assume the job is actually waiting for YOU to take it, you're making the decision as to whether or not you want the job, it's a great frame of mind to be in and that confidence is shown in your body language.

[CityGirl]

I really do not understand why you are getting so defensive.

Yes, when we hit rock bottom and somehow manage to keep standing that is a good thing. Very good.

In case you are not aware, I also had an actual nervous breakdown and was diagnosed with a situational panic disorder in April of 2009. I also have lupus so I certainly understand medical issues.

Think of your situation as a series of peaks and valleys. You are always REALLY high or REALLY low. At this time nothing has evened out.

Less than a few weeks ago your W was very active in affairs. Be it physical or emotional affairs, other people were in the mix. You busted them and five days later (if I am understanding your posts correctly) you and your W are dating. IMO that smacks of rebounding.

Take some time to really study the psychology of an affair. There is a period of withdrawal and *I* certainly would not want to be the "filler" while my spouse was withdrawing from an affair. Again, you are both working on a "high" instead of reality. The "high" feeling and longevity don't really go hand in hand. Hence the reason we have said to go dark. Your W has all kinds of things to figure out before she starts "dating" again. Even if the person she is dating is you. It appears you are her fallback option. She knows you will be there and you were. When she senses you are slipping away a bit she starts with the calls/texts/crocodile tears and you fall for it hook, line and sinker. The person who cares least about the R controls it. She is in control.

There are hundreds of amazing people on this site and we all can learn so much every single day no matter where we are in life. It may not be what we want to hear but it's still important we allow it to sink in and at the very least give it some thought. Experience is a very wise teacher.

[james217]

ill think about what the two of you guys just said and reply in like 30 mins to an hour. I need to change my clothes and sit down and think about alot of things. Rethink the direction me and WAW are going in again. rethink my actions. rethink me not going dark.

[james217]

already done with job interview. They showed me around the location talked to me with interview questions for about 15 to 20 mins and it was very light and friendly. There was even laughing and joking going on. SInce the job is only 5 mins away from home it's also very convenient. I have another interview tommorrow with another company.

[james217]

this thread is now over. time for a new one.