My Story - No courage for full details yet

[Mr Peabody]

(Originally posted in WAS until I realized that was for the WAS)

I'm not sure where to start. I have posted in WAS first, but am not entirely sure there isn't an aspect of MLC involved.

I thought my marriage was fairly typical. In those stupid moments of comparing to others, I thought we were OK. Sure we had some arguments and some recurring themes. But I cooked, cleaned and did laundry...I had to be better than lots of husbands. 16 years in I'm told that she wants a divorce.

I suppose a lot of the typical WAS attributes fit. There were a lot of attempts at working on us, many slowed to a crawl. I suppose there was some "nagging" and perhaps had always been and I was at the magical place of ignoring and hoping it would go away. I am the avoider and she is the fighter. We are both stubborn and prideful and hardheaded. I could always tell that whenever we would argue, she would see my point and try to make a change, just like I would...even if we vehemently denied it during the tiff.

I've read 5LL and she is all about QT, but I've never pinned a #2 on her. I am definitely WOA with a PT as a second. It is clear that neither of us understood what that was. I had my ideas of what QT should look like, but clearly missed the mark. She thought I was PT, but her PT looked probably to me like what my QT looked like to her. In both regards I am sure there was an aspect of "OK, there is your 5 minute thing, can we get on to mine?"

Since the bomb, I watched Fireproof. She says she put it in our queue and she had already seen it, but either she did and is SO jaded, or she didn't, because when I watched it, I recommended it to just about everyone I knew that was married. It was that moving.

So the bomb, brought the plan. Share the house for the kids sake. Kids stay, we switch. I was so shell shocked and so hopeful that this would be a 2 week thing that I went along. Friends have told me that this was the wrong thing to do. I simply didn't listen to them. I wanted to wait a while.

Signs point to two different women. The mom and the single-party-girl. I can't say that anything is an EA at this point. I fear that there have been two PAs so far. Lots of extra communication.

Some quick facts to help you help me decide:
- She has never to my knowledge been "alone" from her mid-teens until now.
- MIL is BiPolar and they don't speak.
- We were Intimate within 2 weeks of the bomb, once VERY nice and the next was "are we done yet"
- Her unhappiness is 4+ years she tells people.

I don't trust her at this point and know that she is lying on many things. I am loving her unconditionally. She doesn't understand. I "broke" her plan and moved home full time.