What about us guys whom still live in the same home with kids who don't know yet. I have told her that I feel my feelings are changing too and I am not sure I want this either. W tells me she is scared and doesn't know what to do. Always says I don't know. Frustrating. I then let her off the hook after couple days because I feel sorry and sad at the sitch. As robx would say not to be a wuss!!! I need to get there too.
M 43 W 43 S15 S 12 D 10 ILYBNILWY ( Dec 2009) Sleeping separate rooms April 8 2010. Sep as of 07/14/2010 W moving out 07/31/2010 No OM confirmed ( yet)
Yes, walking away works. It worked for me. It may not work for everyone and you need to understand and accept that. But it's probably the only thing that will work.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
There has to come a point that it doesn't matter what the WAW feels, or thinks, or wants. It really doesn't matter if you spend 10 minutes, 10 hours or 10 days a week in contact with them. It's not about them. It's all about you. ME. That is the key to success.
Read the confidence John exudes,
Originally Posted By: AFWAW
I still have the ability to attract hot women. Sweet!!!
If I had a facebook, I'd hang that on my wall.
Cheating, lying, back stabbing spouses. You can't be concerned if they noticed you are wearing Jean Paul Gaultier, or bought a new pair of trousers, or are reading how to get your nuts back. It doesn't matter. There is a whole wide world out there that isn't interested in what your wife or husband is doing tonight, but they sure as hell will be blown over by you. The longer you wait and contrive plans and think of things to say the less of your life you have to enjoy.
Want some advice? Think about yourself. That is when you are your most attractive. Unconcerned if this person wants me or that person loves me, you take on an aura that you are going someplace great without them. Men, women, aliens become interested. Wouldn't you be? Take me with you; I need excitement.
I will leave it at that. Try to think back as far as you can. Your first kiss, your first bike, your first birthday, your first breath if you can. What makes you special? Concentrate on that.
Although I am currently the BS of a WAS, this isn't my first go round. Granted, thus time is MUCH different. I thought I'd share a little from our last seperation that this thread reminded me of and actually helped give myself a little advice for my current sitch.
Last time, he forced me out. I begged to come home and work on M for a month or so only to constantly hear that he didn't want me and that I should move on. When reading thus thread, I realized that was the turning point last time. I did GAL and really got to a point that although I loved my H, I didn't care. I cared about me. I found a great job (which I now regret giving up), began dating per his advice, and was ok with my M crumbling. I accepted it and moved on. Four months after forcing me out and three months after I really GAL, he was groveling. I did not come back for another two-three months. We were so happy (in love like in high school again) for years until I gave up my life and went back to being just wife, mom, and stat at home/work from home part-time for our failing business (which I had no say so in). I stopped GAL and now eight years later, here I am the BS of a WAS.
This thread made me see just how important it is in saving your M to really GAL. I DO NOT recommend dating someone else as I did though. Although he told me to and we were seperated, in his eyes (and in a way, my own) it was betrayal that I'll continue to have haunt us both forever. Once you GAL, don't stop once you've R. You'll just be like me and lose them again.
Now to hit the bed. Got a job fair to attend tomorrow to start my own GAL!
I also felt being who I was when we were just "dating", had no children, no mortgages, no line of credit, no credit cards, no bills whatsoever and just had our relationship was a tremendous help. He saw me for who I am deep down. Yes, now I'm married, a mom, we have a home, we have debt and blah blah blah, and sometimes those things contribute to covering up the inner you. I think my H lost sight of that. So when I showed him "ME" again thanks to DB'in, GAL'ing, 180's, etc, he had the chance to see who he fell in love with despite all our new life changes. And the day I decided to walk away was the day he realized that he wanted me. And not the old me, but the new me who was the old me just with many new advancements, and changes. His wife!
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
I LOVE this thread... this is my state of mind now. I still love H very much...but I just dont give a crap anymore. I am starting to do my own thing without thinking, what will H think of this?? Will this make H mad?? sad?? annoyed?? who cares?! he wasnt concerned about my feelings in his actions...and now im not concerned with his.
I looked at H the other day trying to figure out what it is I NEED about him... and with what he has to offer right now... not a darn thing.... the only things he has to offer (good looks and good sex life) I can get elsewhere.... he doesnt make me feel good about myself, doesnt make me feel loved, special, beautiful, nothing, not anymore... I can get good looks and sex from any old jerk if that is what I wanted for myself.
I can tell he is noticing my GAL and lack of concern of what is going to happen with us... it seemed to really be getting to him yesterday... and I dont care.
If this leads to a turning point for us...so be it... if not...so be it. I see how many friends I have, people who do love and care about me...other guys that are interested in me... if H isnt interested, someone else will be. I am young, I got a whole big life ahead of me... Hey H! if you dont want to jump on board... the ship is sailing away w/o you!
Me: 25 H:25 M: 2yrs T: 4yrs No Kids Bomb: 11 Feb 10 Newcomers Story
Two months ago see saw a mediator so we could get a post nuptial agreement in Place "In case things don't wok out"
It seems like she is afraid to follow through with it b/c it has been two months and she hasn't contacted me when to meet her to discuss it.
Yup. This sounds familiar. My H said he wanted D 9/7/09. Hasn't done a thing toward it.
Originally Posted By: gr8 day 2B alive
This is what I'm thinking now and any advice would be appreciation:
Contact a realtor and find out what I could get for the house. Used this information and tell W I want to sell the house and move on or buy her out.
I have been GAL and 180ing my butt off and feel the only way to get through to he is to tell her I'm not going to be this R anymore and deserve better.
Any way back to the title heading,
PDT said that most success stories when the LBS decides to be the WAS. Is there validity to this? I know Coach's story does no fit this senario but do most others do???
I don't think you make a decision to become the WAS so much as you hit the point that nothing is worse than the limbo, the ego-shredding, WAS's crazy/mean/withdrawn behavior. I found myself detaching from H/M about 2 months ago.
It's not that I don't love H or want my M to end, it was the realization that I love me more. Seems a much more psychologically healthy place to be. H has made it clear through word and deed that he doesn't want me. H painted me into a corner; there's only one choice, and that is move on.
Perhaps down the road, H and I will reconcile. Perhaps not. But I feel much better about myself/sitch since I 'walked' out. H kept telling me he wanted me to go; one day I thought 'why the hell am I still here?'. Since moving out, if nothing else, I have peace every single day.
Hope that helps.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
H painted me into a corner; there's only one choice, and that is move on.
No. There are other choices. You could keep hanging in there and hope that works. I haven't seen it work very often on here. Tons of people trying that method, few getting reconcilitation results. They still keep on hanging in there though. "maybe this year things will turn around if I keep hanging in there, maybe next year"
