Quote: I guess the first thing I'd ask myself is whether it is becoming more painfully obvious by the day that maybe this person isn't the right one to spend the rest of my days with, maybe just maybe I deserve better and so do the kids..
I'm getting more convinced that this may be the case. He fails to consider the outcome his actions will have on the boys. The boys are not fools they see their dad as selfish and unchanged since he left...and they do not want him back. they told me last night to forget about him and get the d. I'm surprised because they are 10 & 11 but they've seen their dad this way for all of their little lives and they are smart. Someone said to me yesterday if the boys feel this way why am I trying to force them to be back with their dad? I guess I've been selfish by considering my needs above theirs...they want out. My h continues to maintain that this is my fault and for the better part of 13 years I've believed that until the day I left him last year...that was when I realized I didn't have to take all the responsibility for the mess.
Quote: Second, i'd do what usually stops the bleeding and frees him up to think more rationally and that is: Back off of him entirely, let him initiate ALL contact. Everytime you speak with him, you are calm and cool, very confident in yourself. Load up on the PMA. NO MORE R TALK, PERIOD. No more discussing any feelings or anything, as far as he should know, you're DONE and moving on, PERIOD.
Well I won't have to worry about that since he will be avoiding me I'm sure.
Quote: If you comply, stop the continuance and allow the D to happen, you are showing him that he is free to go if he wants, you're not standing in his way, too bad it didn't work out, but you love him enough to set him free. I don't know about you, but I'd rather him think you are sacrificing your happiness for his by doing the latter, moreso then having him see you as the immovable object standing in the way of his freedom, by purposely dragging out the divorce.
Yes, I guess. I just hate the fact that I'm having to do something I don't want! I can put in the continuance and if it gets worse then I can put in the d like 2 weeks later. But at least he'd have the option of changing his mind and we are still married under the continuance. Don't you think that's good?
Quote: You don't know how things can change two weeks from now or whatever. This guy may be vascillating despite pushing for the D. Your best bet is to lift all the pressure from the sitch, leave him alone, and don't impede the divorce proceedings. Combine that with showing him you've had it and you're moving on with or without him, and you will know what you've got.
I can change my mind about not impeding the divorce proceedings at the hearing and have my attorney get me divorced.
It's so hard to let go but he leaves me no choice now. He's just to up and down about it...not commited to anything but how he feels which is not very stable.
