now i know....

[Gardener]

gman,

W and i are doing pretty well right now. She smiles more than i have seen her in almost a year. she is more affectionate, loving and in better mood, and wants to spend time with me. We have been intimate and there is a pasion we have not had in a long time.

Good to hear. Good for you. Pullin' for ya!

we have our moments, not all is rosey and fine - but are talking about them....when necessary (i am not wanting explicit "details" nor do i think i ever will.)

Also good to hear. And, no, you probably never will (nor should).

one thing we bump heads with is the inevatible face to face that i will have with OM....

Don't bump heads. Don't discuss it with her. Inform her that you have decided you will handle it appropriately and without incident if it presents itself and you will not discuss it with her in advance nor after the fact should it arise.

she has a feeling i am going to explode on him....have to admit thought has crossed my mind.

How could it not?

I think when this date arrives that i will seek the high road if he tries to speak to me with something like "I really have nothing to say to you" (Or, "It would really be in your best interest to stay very far away from me.") then go on my way (although man i would love to just lay him out)

Understandable. Of course, you could also go the "technically innocent" route: "Say something? Moi? I didn't say anything bad at all!" as in, "Y'know, OM, I completely misjudged you: I came here with every intention of telling you that if you even so much as look at my wife, contact her, or even "accidentally" bump into her again, I would make your life a sheer living hell. But I can see now that I don't have to say that at all."

like i said a while back our sons play on same athletic teams so would me laying a boundry down with W about even being near him while at fields be inappropiate? YES! think about the setting, we will be in proximity to him i am sure. I don't even want her wave to, or say "hi" to him....should i convey that to her?(edit how do i convey that with out being an a$$hole?)

"W, I have decided that it would would be the height of disrespect towards me, our marriage and our family if you were to consider your presence at our son's games as anything more than a spectator and supporting sports Mom. I insist on absolutely no proximity or exchanges between you and OM at said games beyond the occasional absolutely unavoidable "Hello," or "Great game." And even that is to be avoided at all costs. Anything - anything - beyond that would be insulting to me as a man and as your husband and may very well place our efforts and our relationship in serious jeopardy."

...then as i walked back to W i saw her face all worried....lets just say W was VERY aware of where she was in store at all times....did not want to have to look her in the eye i think

Shame can be very powerful!

Now, am I saying, "gman, do these things"?
No, not necessarily.
They are, however, things I personally would consider.
And one: the technically-not-a-threat threat I did employ twice to good effect: once, flying cross-country to confront an ex-boyfriend stalker of my step D's and once to a man who was sexually harassing Mrs. G.

Good luck.