He hasn't DONE anything to demonstrate any change... It's just more talk.. he's GOOD at saying what YOU want to hear... he's had ten years of practice.
Given the OW's tone on the phone with you, he's likley running from her now and coming to you... This IS part of the db process, but its only half of it. You being a more attractive option isn't enough. He needs to grow up still or he's just going to do this again. OW is going to be a constant threat to you.... maybe for the rest of your life if you want to be with this guy... this is something you need to THINK about REALLY HARD.
1. HE should be moving, NOT you. HE should be doing ALL the EFFORT right now to demonstrate commitment...
2. YOU keep up the minimal contact and ALWAYS with a third party... don't give him time alone with you.
3. I get the feeling that you are vulnerable to him in person and he can talk you into things you will regret later.
4. If there's a third party there you can remain objective and he won't try anything manipulative.
5. Give him your FT business card if your FT is ok with that. See if your Father OR your FT can get him in touch with a good IC as well.
6. Put together a transparency plan and a trust plan for him. These are your boundaries and how you expect to monitor them. He will share all phone logs without complaint, etc... you need to put these together.
7. I do NOT reccomend talking to him. I would work on your transparency plans and trust plans. These are the "hoops" he will have to go through for now. That and the therapy. Six months of hoops and therapy before you budge an INCH in his direction... you keep up the no contact as you have been.
8. If you want to cancel the in person visit just tell him your parent's don't like the idea.
It really is for you to decide, HE does have to think on his feet in person and in real time phone convo, but so do YOU... it's more tense and less predictable... less controlled for BOTH of you.
I suspect between the two of you, in an in person visit HE will have the upper hand not you.
I would keep up the avoiding his calls and texts etc as you have been.. this MAY be working, but that doesn't mean you STOP doing that.. keep doing it.
I would put him in the hands of your FT and an IC and avoid him for at least six months until he's proven he's willing to do some work. TALKING and PROMISES is EASY for him... FOLLOW through LONG TERM is his weak area... THAT is what needs tested here, and YOU should NOT be the GUINEA PIG for that...
My advice is work on a transparency plan and trust plan and leave him with professionals for now.
You are launching a new business and you do NOT have the time to have HIM RUIN your business as well as your marriage.
Don't let him ruin the business too... Just keep away from him. Give him to the pros for six months.
