W and i are doing pretty well right now. She smiles more than i have seen her in almost a year. she is more affectionate, loving and in better mood, and wants to spend time with me. We have been intimate and there is a pasion we have not had in a long time.
we have our moments, not all is rosey and fine - but are talking about them....when necessary (i am not wanting explicit "details" nor do i think i ever will.)
one thing we bump heads with is the inevatible face to face that i will have with OM....she has a feeling i am going to explode on him....have to admit thought has crossed my mind. I think when this date arrives that i will seek the high road if he tries to speak to me with something like "I really have nothing to say to you" then go on my way (although man i would love to just lay him out)
like i said a while back our sons play on same athletic teams so would me laying a boundry down with W about even being near him while at fields be inappropiate? think about the setting, we will be in proximity to him i am sure. I don't even want her wave to, or say "hi" to him....should i convey that to her?(edit how do i convey that with out being an a$$hole?)
on lighter side - at grocery this week-end with W and D. OM W best friend knows what has went on and also knows us, was at store and saw just me getting fruit and asked how i was doing, then as i walked back to W i saw her face all worried....lets just say W was VERY aware of where she was in store at all times....did not want to have to look her in the eye i think....or she may just not wanted to get in a fight....lol
kind of made me chuckle inside, is that sadistic?
Last edited by gman; 04/05/1002:52 PM. Reason: not should - when i do
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
I hope this week has been a smooth one for you. I don't think a freaked out newbie should be giving you advice. I do want you to know that there are those of us out here reading and rooting for you.
W and i are doing pretty well right now. She smiles more than i have seen her in almost a year. she is more affectionate, loving and in better mood, and wants to spend time with me. We have been intimate and there is a pasion we have not had in a long time.
we have our moments, not all is rosey and fine - but are talking about them....when necessary (i am not wanting explicit "details" nor do i think i ever will.)
one thing we bump heads with is the inevatible face to face that i will have with OM....she has a feeling i am going to explode on him....have to admit thought has crossed my mind. I think when this date arrives that i will seek the high road if he tries to speak to me with something like "I really have nothing to say to you" then go on my way (although man i would love to just lay him out)
like i said a while back our sons play on same athletic teams so would me laying a boundry down with W about even being near him while at fields be inappropiate? think about the setting, we will be in proximity to him i am sure. I don't even want her wave to, or say "hi" to him....should i convey that to her?(edit how do i convey that with out being an a$$hole?)
on lighter side - at grocery this week-end with W and D. OM W best friend knows what has went on and also knows us, was at store and saw just me getting fruit and asked how i was doing, then as i walked back to W i saw her face all worried....lets just say W was VERY aware of where she was in store at all times....did not want to have to look her in the eye i think....or she may just not wanted to get in a fight....lol
kind of made me chuckle inside, is that sadistic?
and see this is what I don't get. my WAW has broken off her P.A. and E.A'S has wanted to be intimate and has shown me more passion has been more open and now i'm supposed to go dark like others are telling me? I don't get it. I really don't.
waw 36 (spiritual covenant and common law marriage)me 32 together 13 mos. Bomb dropped march 2nd 2010
children SD (8) S (10) S (3) need help from anyone with my sitch
W and i are doing pretty well right now. She smiles more than i have seen her in almost a year. she is more affectionate, loving and in better mood, and wants to spend time with me. We have been intimate and there is a pasion we have not had in a long time.
Good to hear. Good for you. Pullin' for ya!
Originally Posted By: gman
we have our moments, not all is rosey and fine - but are talking about them....when necessary (i am not wanting explicit "details" nor do i think i ever will.)
Also good to hear. And, no, you probably never will (nor should).
Originally Posted By: gman
one thing we bump heads with is the inevatible face to face that i will have with OM....
Don't bump heads. Don't discuss it with her. Inform her that you have decided you will handle it appropriately and without incident if it presents itself and you will not discuss it with her in advance nor after the fact should it arise.
Originally Posted By: gman
she has a feeling i am going to explode on him....have to admit thought has crossed my mind.
How could it not?
Originally Posted By: gman
I think when this date arrives that i will seek the high road if he tries to speak to me with something like "I really have nothing to say to you" (Or, "It would really be in your best interest to stay very far away from me.") then go on my way (although man i would love to just lay him out)
Understandable. Of course, you could also go the "technically innocent" route: "Say something? Moi? I didn't say anything bad at all!" as in, "Y'know, OM, I completely misjudged you: I came here with every intention of telling you that if you even so much as look at my wife, contact her, or even "accidentally" bump into her again, I would make your life a sheer living hell. But I can see now that I don't have to say that at all."
Originally Posted By: gman
like i said a while back our sons play on same athletic teams so would me laying a boundry down with W about even being near him while at fields be inappropiate? YES! think about the setting, we will be in proximity to him i am sure. I don't even want her wave to, or say "hi" to him....should i convey that to her?(edit how do i convey that with out being an a$$hole?)
"W, I have decided that it would would be the height of disrespect towards me, our marriage and our family if you were to consider your presence at our son's games as anything more than a spectator and supporting sports Mom. I insist on absolutely no proximity or exchanges between you and OM at said games beyond the occasional absolutely unavoidable "Hello," or "Great game." And even that is to be avoided at all costs. Anything - anything - beyond that would be insulting to me as a man and as your husband and may very well place our efforts and our relationship in serious jeopardy."
Originally Posted By: gman
...then as i walked back to W i saw her face all worried....lets just say W was VERY aware of where she was in store at all times....did not want to have to look her in the eye i think
Shame can be very powerful!
Now, am I saying, "gman, do these things"? No, not necessarily. They are, however, things I personally would consider. And one: the technically-not-a-threat threat I did employ twice to good effect: once, flying cross-country to confront an ex-boyfriend stalker of my step D's and once to a man who was sexually harassing Mrs. G.
Good luck.
Last edited by Gardener; 04/14/1004:03 AM.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
like i said a while back our sons play on same athletic teams so would me laying a boundry down with W about even being near him while at fields be inappropiate?YES!
CORRECTION: I thought you had asked if the boundary would be apporopriate so I naturally said, "YES!"
I see now that you asked if a boundary would be inappropraite, so I change my answer to NO!
The rest of my longj post still applies as is.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I hope this week has been a smooth one for you. I don't think a freaked out newbie should be giving you advice. I do want you to know that there are those of us out here reading and rooting for you.
lol...yeah i figured that one out the other day (the newbie advice part)
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
"It would really be in your best interest to stay very far away from me."
I like this one...then follow up with my "i have nothing to say to you".
thanks for your solid opinions gardner, once again.
also figured the boundry thing out by your response...lol...i am going to lay this out today, and it may very well be a boundry that if broken completely changes my mind on attempting to reconclie with her.
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
so....as most of you know i hang around and comment on peoples situations and try to give support to those who need it (kind of paying it forward for all those who have helped me) - starting to think i might need a break from posting for a while...wondering if reading soooo many people's threads about A's is keeping me from getting past my W's
kind of like keeping it at the surface....does this make sense?
anywho, just wondering peoples thoughts on this....
M-37 W-36 S-11, S-9, D-4 PA exposed 3/13/10 10/19/10 moving on... most up to date sit
If anything, I think you are making a mistake from staying on here. Don't let it deter you.
With time, it does get easier to deal with.
In the beginning, I hated listening to the radio or watching TV because it would be a stupid love song or a stupid movie about love or affairs.. and now with all these silly celebrities having A's, I'm like WTH! I can't escape it!
We are here for you.
What you are going through is COMPLETELY normal. But I am proof that that pain does lessen with time.
I'm at a point where although I do think of my H's A and it hurts to think about from time to time, I feel like my hurt now is mainly due to his unwillingness to work on our M and because he has put the entire blame for everything on ME.
So, my focus is now on ME.
What happened after you ML to your W?
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
as in, "Y'know, OM, I completely misjudged you: I came here with every intention of telling you that if you even so much as 