Question for ya. What do you do when the WAS wants to come back and work on the marriage. This just happened to me. I moved out and then slowly started to pull away. Husband ended things with the OW but OW got pissed and called and told me everything after he ended it with her. I didn't speak to husband for a week and a half and I could tell that he was trying to feel me out via text messages to see how far gone I was from him.
Now today he tells me that he wants to do whatever needs to be done to save our marriage. Whatever I want he will do. How do you know when to give the WAS another chance? If I let him back to easily then what has he learned...NOTHING...I fear that he will think that he can just do it again and come back when he feels like it. So how do you get into piecing without risking the WAS doing it again?
VERY good question..
The whole idea behind this site is to SAVE a marriage. That is the goal. yes? no?...
My answer to your question is to say things to him NOW that he was throwing up at you before when he was wayward....
For example.. (this may not be your example, just generic)
"Husband. I am NOT really sure right now how I feel. I know you say you want to do whatever I say, but I now realize that I just don't want to be with a man who is unfaithful. I WILL NOT be with a man who doesn't give back. I need some time and space right now. Anyway I have a call on the other line and I don't have time to talk right now. I have to go."
Do you see there that you did NOT put any pressure or conditions on him? Do you see how you are giving him "letting go" talk? Do you see that IF he is serious that his only answer to you has to be...."I am sorry I was unfaithful and I will do anything to make it work"..???
Do you understand that by you playing a little "hard to get" that this may be the exact thing to do? Don't YOU remember when you thought HE felt that way? Do you remember what a tailspin it puts you in?
IF he loves you, then he WILL do anything you want...
Right now YOU are NOT SURE what you want. You want time. Get it? IF he loves you he isn't going anywhere. Matter of fact this usually gets a man to try HARDER...
How many times do I have to tell you women these things?
It is your LOW SELF ESTEEM that causes you to question my advice. Fake it...
Don't just play hard to get.. but.. BE HARD TO GET.. Be a prize he has to earn. MAKE him earn your love back. You don't have to be mean to him. Just be a little mysterious and let him think you really aren't sure right now. You want to think it over.. The funny thing is that I really think by your question to me that you really DO want to think this over. And yet your low self esteem is wanting to rush back in too soon. Let him earn it
Remember. He has to give up the OW and yet it has to be because he WANTS to not because you forced him. The only way to do that is to let him think that he has gone too FAR. That he has maybe blown it. Are you a second choice type woman? Don't be. Let him feel that he can HAVE the OW.. BUT.. he can't have you too..
