and then I realized how annoying it can be to have a question thrown back at your question full well knowing that when it comes right down to it really it is what you think.
ok having said all that mumbo jumbo..
for now I'd do nothing..the continuance lasts for a while right?
so let it ride..let him cool off from his discovery and see where things go.
Next time you see him you'll have to make the decision if you will attempt to greet him with a kiss or simply a friendly hello and follow his lead.
Well the continuance has not been approved. My attorney and I will attempt to push it through at the hearing on November 17th...the only thing against us is if my h shows up demanding to be 'set free'! But since this is my d, the judge may grant my request for the continuance despite the objections of my h. We'll see what happens in 2 weeks.
Gosh how can my h come back to such a b***h at me!? I mean I say such awful things (Like he hasn't BUT) and I love him. Something is seriously wrong with me and him!!!
I guess at this point there is nothing to do but wait for the hearing and see what the judge decides. 13 days until d day.
Thanks for responding. I'm glad to hear from you at this hour of my greatest peril. I really really appreciate. You've helped me calm down...I only vaguely feel like tearing his head OFF!
Quote: Gosh how can my h come back to such a b***h at me!? I mean I say such awful things (Like he hasn't BUT) and I love him. Something is seriously wrong with me and him!!!
well, I don't really know what to make of this statement other than perhaps work on you.
Quote: Thanks for responding. I'm glad to hear from you at this hour of my greatest peril. I really really appreciate. You've helped me calm down...I only vaguely feel like tearing his head OFF!
no problem...I've been there. just try to relax and see where the next two weeks brings you...no decision has to be made tonight.
I guess the thing I'm confused about is that if he keeps referring to it as your D, that to me sounds like he doesn't want it.
So why would he mind if there is a continuance?
If he does want the D than it is as much his as yours. You just happened to file first.
If you dismiss and he refiles what has that accomplished for either of you?
Will a paper either way, Married or Divorced, bring you closer together?
I feel for you tonight my friend.... the roller coaster for you is on the fast track tonight. Nothing you can do but hold on and wait for the next turn.
While I don't know how much consolation this is, but look how much you are learning and are now able to "see the tracks" so to speak. At least you know at some point the ride will slow a bit and you can take a breather, get that heart rate down and prepare for the next turn.
The only thing you can control is yourself. Sounds like there are some things that you identified tonight that you also need to work on. Use the time wisly and you will always be alright.
I'm sorry your "conversation" with him went awry, but thats what happens the majority of the time R or D talk spin out of control. Unfortunately, he drives off in a big time huff, and saving the M isn't exactly on the top of his priority list, pushing this D through, probably is.. But whats done is done..so now the focus shifts to what you do from here to stem the tide..
I guess the first thing I'd ask myself is whether it is becoming more painfully obvious by the day that maybe this person isn't the right one to spend the rest of my days with, maybe just maybe I deserve better and so do the kids..
Second, i'd do what usually stops the bleeding and frees him up to think more rationally and that is: Back off of him entirely, let him initiate ALL contact. Everytime you speak with him, you are calm and cool, very confident in yourself. Load up on the PMA. NO MORE R TALK, PERIOD. No more discussing any feelings or anything, as far as he should know, you're DONE and moving on, PERIOD.
In terms of the divorce proceedings, you can use it to your advantage if you merely allow it to go through without causing difficulty. If your aim is to stick it to him for having put you and the kids through this, thats fine, but it will put you at ground zero in his mind in terms of wanting to work things out. If you stall, you become his adversary and he is then armed with more emotional ammunition for wanting to leave you. If you comply, stop the continuance and allow the D to happen, you are showing him that he is free to go if he wants, you're not standing in his way, too bad it didn't work out, but you love him enough to set him free. I don't know about you, but I'd rather him think you are sacrificing your happiness for his by doing the latter, moreso then having him see you as the immovable object standing in the way of his freedom, by purposely dragging out the divorce.
You don't know how things can change two weeks from now or whatever. This guy may be vascillating despite pushing for the D. Your best bet is to lift all the pressure from the sitch, leave him alone, and don't impede the divorce proceedings. Combine that with showing him you've had it and you're moving on with or without him, and you will know what you've got.
Quote:That got his attention...he said hell no because it was MY divorce not his!!!
Doesn't sound to me like he really wants the divorce. Sounds like he is saving face by saying get your D, because you have initiated it.
Now, is there a way you can change the continuance to a legal separation for six months to a year and then use that time to db? Could that keep you from losing your financial advantage and perhaps show him you are willing to meet him half way...not go through with D right away, but take time to work things out? Just a few thoughts.
I'm pissed off! Still!!! He is very unclear. He doesn't want the dismissal, doesn't want the d, but doesn't want the continuance!!!!? That makes no sense! No wonder I can't get it right....he has too many unvoiced conditions. And even if I keep my cool like for the first part of the conversation...he ignores me like our marriage means nothing! Then I loose it and he seems to enjoy just letting me know what a big loser I am, how awful I am. Doesn't try to work on this by getting over what horrible things we have done this past year to each other but continues to hang on to them and dumps them on me when he's angry!!! I've gotten over all the stuff he's done to me, keep going back to him, sleeping with him but to no avail...he remains angry and vengeful.
I have no hope left that the d can be stopped. I plan to try to get the continuance and my attorney feels that I have a good case for it but the fly in the ointment is my h...should he show up at the hearing and demand the divorce the judge might rule in his favor.
I agree with the others. It sounds like H keeps refering to it as your D. Maybe the legal seperation is a good thing. You can always file later. Which is more important, the M or the monetary aspects. Take care honey, we are all with you.
Yes more hugs today!! Can you get away somewhere, to just put this out of your mind for awhile. Really concentrate on yourself, put the focus on you!!
At this point what can you do anyway? Stay away from H, don't contact H at all. It sounds like you're both pushing and pushing each others buttons. One of you has to be the one stop this madness. And can you guess who? Seriously think about Wiley's advice.
But whats done is done..so now the focus shifts to what you do from here to stem the tide..