When did you decide to reconcile?

[Abbey]

Not sure if this totally answers your question, however, there was a couple of "false starts" where he wanted both women etc. After 4 months of promises and his confusion, I pushed the issue to either make him get off the pot or not. He backed off and I told him I never wanted to hear from him again. A week went by, I thought it was finished at that point. Then he shows up at my door... saying he knew what he had done etc and regretted it. I held him off for another 4 and a half months. The only thing he was allowed to do was phone me. I laid down a set of ground rules during that time. A lot of them paved the way for open communication. We've been back together officially one year as of April 1st.

Best thing you can do is REFUSE to get angry and very calmly set out what YOU need in order for this to work. Stay away from the affair stuff for now... (yeah it's hard)... Admit to him that there is a lot of hurt, and it will take time AND hard work by both of you in order to make it back. Ask him if he's ready for that work. Btw... don't be discouraged if he backs off a little... many of us have had "mini starts". It's worked out.

Best of Luck
Abbey