Kelly- His affairs don't necessarily require marriage counseling right now. Especially based on what you mentioned about him looking bad. I strongly suggest anyone who has had an affair and is still interested in working it out with their betrayed spouse so seek individual counseling first. Maybe it is depression or MLC but one thing is for certain, you are not responsible for the actions he chooses. Sure you may have contributed to some of his behavior (those are the things you are trying to get out of him).
As for the sex thing, I know its not the same but Im sure you could take matters into your own hands (Literally.....) Sorry if thats too graphic.
Married 10 Together 13 ILYB 1/4/2010 Separated: 1/4/2010 Moved back in 1/28/2010 Reconciled 3/14/2010
Honestly, I think I have put myself on a pedestal (selfishly) for staying until the kid graduate and now I am mad at him that I am staying. There is a house that I want to buy SO badly. It is a bank repo that is for sale for $70,000 less than it is appraised for. A steal. And I am mad that I cannot buy it because we are stuck here. Mad at myself that I did not boot him out last May and now cannot get that house I want. Which makes me get mad at him all over again for looking for another affair when I thought he was trying to work on us.
And, I do take care of myself but need more right now. I just wish someone wanted me.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I have been feeling very angry today and said so to my husband about an hour before he was leaving for work. I said that we could stay together until the kids are grown but it is getting tougher every day. It turned into an emotional discussion about what I did to get us here, about how I cared more about my job than about him, how I never wanted to go anywhere with him and how I should have forgiven him by now. I am so tired of the emotional roller coaster. I just want to be happy again. I do not consider myself high maintenance. All I wanted was a home and children. To one day spend time with my grandchildren and travel to the beach each year. I worked hard getting my master's degree and a better job so we would be able to be content once the kids were gone. He says that I should have been working on us, not my degree. But when I told him about 7 years ago that I wanted to go to counseling, he told me that this is what happens when you have been married for a long time. You can't have the honeymoon feeling forever. After the first OW, I really did think we could overcome it. I knew it would take time but I thought we were making good progress. The second OW crushed all of that and he cannot understand why I am more upset over an online affair than I am over the physical affair. I guess to me it just proved that he had no respect for me. Thanks for listening to my ramblings. Have a great week.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I had a trip scheduled this week and my H conveniently needed to spend the money I was going to take. I have decided that I am going to start depositing my paycheck in another account. Should I tell H in advance or after I have changed it. I know he is going to be upset so I am thinking that I should wait until after I have changed it so he cannot talk me out of it.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I thought I had come a long way with dealing with the PA and my emotions. Yesterday I saw OW had joined FB...she had not had a page during the affair..and that she is engaged. It made me furious. I want to send her a message....I see you are engaged. Congratulations. When some little tramp decides she wants your husband and he has an affair, I hope you will remember me honey. And feel all the pain I did. Karma is a b!tch.
ARGH. I really thought I had let go of it but guess not. I am not going to send the message...just venting.
Last edited by Kelly23; 04/13/1001:49 PM.
M:38 H:42 T:20 M:19 D:18 S:17 MLC: Sometime in 2007 OW Bomb 1: 12/28/07 OW Online relationship 2: Spring 2009 Told him I wanted D: May 10, 2009 D final: 07/09/11
I thought I had come a long way with dealing with the PA and my emotions. Yesterday I saw OW had joined FB...she had not had a page during the affair..and that she is engaged. It made me furious. I want to send her a message....I see you are engaged. Congratulations. When some little tramp decides she wants your husband and he has an affair, I hope you will remember me honey. And feel all the pain I did. Karma is a b!tch.
ARGH. I really thought I had let go of it but guess not. I am not going to send the message...just venting.
Don't even bother.. It's not worth it.
Remember, KARMAis the BIGGEST b!tch of them all, so let her do her job.
My H's OW is now engaged also AND pregnant with her new fiance's baby.
So I know how that feels. If anything, let that fact alone help you get through it. All I do to snap me out of my bitterness is think about how happy that b!tch is with her "perfect" little life and say to myself "why should I be thinking of her and be sad when she isn't losing sleep over what she did to me and my family!"
I wish you a good day!
M: 32 H: 34 S:5 D: 3 D: 1 Together 11 years Married 7 Bomb: PA/EA 8/13/09 (for 1 year on and off) ILYBINILWY: 08/09
"The end of suffering happens with the end of wanting." -Laura Munson
