Question

[awest1217]

Yeah they will help me out with baby sitting, but I would rather hang out with them. They are some of my best friends so that is for me who I want to hang out with. I am not the normal 28 year old. I don't drink at all. I don't go to bars. I don't do a lot of things because of personal religious beliefs so for me and my religious beliefs, my crowd to hang out with is very small, but I love them all and enjoy going out with them. It will be hard now at some point to start to date and find dates because of it, but I am not worried. Someone will come along and if not...well let's hope not. My mom found my step dad through the paper so who knows where I can find someone new, but I am not even thinking that right now.

I don't go out because I have a future to plan for. A house to pay off and a college fund to start for S so I don't go out a lot, but I do take time each night for me and once summer hits I will have more time because I can stay out later. I may not go out, but I have my life and I like my life, when H doesn't disrupt everything.

[ClingingToHope]

OK. You just sounded down and I thought I'd throw some things out there. We're different. You always have your S, while I only have my Ds about 35 percent of the time.

I do not like the alone times. Maybe that's why God chose this path for me. Maybe I needed to be taught humility and how to be at ease with myself.

Whatever it is, it's painful.

[awest1217]

It is ok. I just always have been a very independent person. I am also very social, which is why I thrive at work. I love to talk to my students and get to know them. It is fun. I also love the people at church because we all hang out a lot. I have a big family so I have plenty of people to be around. Once in a while I do want to just hang out without S, but it is hard so I don't do it too often, but it does happen on occasion and usually during the summer or vacation because then I don't feel guilty since S doesn't get to see me much during the work week.

I also don't mind being by myself. I wish I had someone and sometimes am lonely, but I was always the girl who was very confident, independent, a lot of guys liked me and we would flirt, but many wouldn't date me because of my religious beliefs. I like to have fun. I was also the girl with very high expectations and if a guy didn't meet my expectations I would break up with him right away. My longest relationship before H was 2 weeks (I started dating at 14). Something changed with H and I am not sure why. He would push the line and I would change for him instead of making him come to my level like I usually did. I don't know why it was different for him. I wish now that i would have stuck to my guns, but I didn't always realize that I had changed. Now I am back to my confident, independent self. I am great without a guy and enjoy my single life. I wish I did have guys to flirt with, but that it ok, and will come with time. I sometimes have too much with S all the time, but I wouldn't change that for the world.

Actually reading a lot of people's talk about divorce and finances and kids, I just don't know about doing it again. I mean I am 99.9% sure it is over, but man I don't want to deal with the financial stuff or splitting time on S. I am selfish and if H hasn't tried to see S much in a year why should he get every other weekend? I don't think it is fair when he has had every opportunity to be with S and won't. On the H front, he text me yesterday and we talked a bit. He asked about making plans for Saturday, my birthday. I said it was up to him. I said if he really wants to then he can. I think I may send him a text tonight because yesterday caught me off guard, and let him know that I only want him to plan something if he is doing it because he wants a relationship with me and not out of duty. To me we are not together so I was not planning on him doing anything with me (I would like him to pick-up a card and little gift "from S" just because I think that is nice to do for the mother of your child), but anything else I don't want unless he really wants a relationship because it gives me a false sense of hope. On the other hand, I also think why not take advantage of the time and gifts, OW's b-day is the week after mine and I am sure he already has plans with her, so the mean side of me says take what you can get, but honestly I really would rather get nothing then get my hopes up. Thoughts?

[awest1217]

By the way, funk is over so that is good. I knew the funk was coming because ever since I can remember (even as a little girl) I would get a little depressed for a few days this time of year. I am not sure why, but I feel great now.

[Lucky11too]

I don't think you're being selffish with S. I bet if it's anything like how I am feeling, it's not that you just want to keep S all to yourself, but more that you don't want S to be around a bad influence or someone who doesn't have experience with S. My Aunt went thru something similar with an asbsent H, so when it came time for his time with their S, he took him away just screaming for his mom. I can see that happening with me/us, and it's scary!

For your b-day, it's nice that he actually wanted to do something for you, but like you're saying, you don't want to get your hopes up. In some ways you don't want to discourage H to do something good, but I don't know how you can do it without letting your heart get involved again. I guess you really have nothing to lose by telling him not to do anything unless he wants an R from you. He still hasn't made any steps towards you, so this gives you a chance to reiterate your point, and worse case, he doesn't get you anything and you're right back to where you are. But the problem I can see is that despite saying that to him, it's going to hard to not let a small portion of yourself to have hope that he might still get you something, and be disappointed when he doesn't.

You have a great attitude though. I love that you are so confident, independent, and sociable! Keep it up! =)

[ClingingToHope]

When STBXW and I first split up, D11 asked me if I'd get married again and I said, "yes" right away.

As these 11 months -- almost a year, wow -- have gone on, I've wondered about that a bit. I'm not worried about finding someone as much anymore. But finding the right person -- someone who has the patience to deal with soon to be teen daughters and someone who would be able to handle the balancing of an extended family -- is going to be a challenge.

But who knows. Marrying STBXW was a real shock. How we ended up together is a nice story that my daughters love to hear over and over again. I don't know how STBXW handles their questions, but they love asking things about the early days of our M. I think they want reassurance that we did love each other. I know I did and deep down I know STBXW did as well.

You are too young to rule anything out. Just learn from the mistakes you made this time around. Something great is going to happen to you, you just have to be able to recognize it and confident enough to go after it.

[awest1217]

Last night I made lasagna for my brother, sister-in-law, and sister. It was my first attempt and pretty good for a first time. I enjoy to cook, but don't get to often because it is no fun cooking for just S and I. Today is going to be a beautiful day so I am excited to get home and get outside. I am going to grill tonight (becoming a grill master). S always likes when I grill and I like it because there is less clean up.

One bad, I found out that I am not going out with my family on Friday for my b-day so that stinks. Now it is just me. I haven't heard from H again. He is probably thinking "if you want to talk to me then you can call or text", but I have put myself out there too many times to get burned so he can contact me if he wants to otherwise I am done. So far kind of shaping up to be a boring birthday, but that is ok, as S would say. I have plenty of work to keep me busy all day at home so no worries here.

[Lucky11too]

Shoot, no need to stay at home for your birthday just b/c some of your plans fell thru. Get out there and do something for yourself! It's beautiful weather, so do something special with S, hang out with friends, something! It's a special weekend, so relax and enjoy yourself. Housework will always be there, so don't let that bog you down!

So I take it you did not text H back about your intentions. Don't be disappointed when he doesn't do anything, b/c more than likely he won't. It's easier to say than to do b/c I have been down that path too many times before, but just something to keep in mind. If you want something to happen, make it happen, otherwise, don't expect much.

Great job on the lasagna! I like to cook too but just don't have the time and usually just settle for the quicky meals. Blah.

[awest1217]

I am not planning on H doing anything for my b-day. I am not too upset because I usually don't do anything for my birthday, which is probably why I don't like it much. It is supposed to be rainy here so that is the reason for doing housework. It really isn't a big deal. I will probably go out to eat somewhere with S, one of the places I got a birthday meal to, and get some ice cream (once again because I have a coupon for a free one). I am doing really well right now saving money so I want to stick with it and keep saving, which means not going out. I am ok with not doing anything, really not a big deal with me because it is my norm, and not planning on doing stuff with H so I am just planning now to not do anything.

Most of my friends are busy already which is also why i can't do anything with them; bridal shower, volunteer stuff, adn some other things.

I am excited to leave and enjoy the good weather before the weekend and the rain hits.

[awest1217]

H mentioned going to Cheesecake Factory tonight. My favorite restaurant, but the closest one is 2 hours away. Kind of hard with S, especially since he is recently potty trained. We will see what actually happens. Still not getting any hopes up, and honestly I think this is just a pitty take out because we are still married and he feels obligated. Since he brought it up again, I might say something about the obligation thing because I don't want that.