Next steps

[avermont]

Thanks, all for the good wishes.

The .5 marathon went great! Finished in 2'04! And I was hoping for 2'10'; figured maybe 2'20"

Then did the big move out. And then the sh** hit the fan. Angry angry emails from X. Can't say I blame him--I would hate to have someone move my stuff.

Most interesting, is that in all these recent notes--even the one listing out his sweat equity--he is giving little digs---"I was painting the barn siding, WHICH YOU WEREN'T INTERESTED IN." "The bin of stuff for the theatre group can stay in the garage, EVEN THOUGH I WAS THE MORE CONSISTENT AND RELIABLE MEMBER."

And then the fury over having moved his stuff: "honestly, Aver, who is coaching you to handle things this way? where is your honor? I have spoken well of you to our friends, but if you are going to act this way, I will start telling them how you pushed me away."

Sob sob weep weep all day. The good news is, he is showing his feelings. All these things were what I invited him to shout at me in counseling in the fall, but he didn't want to do it. So interesting to hear him say what I know he believes: I wasn't interested in the house, didn't want this, didn't want that. I can totally validate his feelings (would that we had a conversation) and also so desperately wanted the opportunity to admit my faults in the R.

I am in the deepest misery. Feel so guilty about moving his stuff. Believe me, the counseling I was getting was to chuck his damn stuff out the window, not pack it up neatly and carefully, and label each box with the contents.

My new C is great. Told me it was OK to have moved his stuff. Told me to believe her.

I don't know what will get me past this current horror of terrible emails. All these months I have counted myself lucky that I wasn't experiencing the "spew" so many other LBS had to deal with. X and I were keeping it civil. But now the gloves are off.

He totally won't go for the 65/35 split on the joint, and is nickel and diming me on the joint stuff.

I am on the verge of saying: you took my heart, my very foundation, very nearly my life and sanity. Everything else is just sand. Take what you want--you have already taken the only important things.

I really don't have the strength to argue about a 15 year old TV and futon.

Good god, just get me past this division of stuff, and the closing, and let me go on from there.