I feel the same from time to time,LSG. It is impossible to understand what is going on in the head of someone who bore you children and who you trusted with your life. Same here.
My kids are the most important thing to me as well. I know if we D, they will be OK. Not as good as if in an intact home, but I will do my best to make them know how much I love and treasure them. It is heartbreaking, but it is the hand we have been dealt.
Now, as hard as it is, work on GAL and other things to take your mind off of the whole sitch as much as possible. I know it is always there but you can find a way to bury it for a little while at a time. We have to do this or we will go crazy. I have HBP and make sure and take my meds. If you're having nose bleeds, well, you know that can't be good. And even though, at times, I wish I was dead, away from all the hurt and pain, I know that is not the answer. Our kids need us. They need us strong and supportive for them and what they are and will be going through.
