Faith without works... (my new thread)

[james217]

So what's next? Uh I really dont knowwwwwwww. Am I going in the right direction? I hope so.

The college just called. I cannot get back in school right now. So no teaching. It's not fair at all. How long am I going to pay for a past sin?

I did not even do it. I was even exonerated and had my name cleared but everyone from cps to college wants to keep bringing up a past situation and using it against me.

The cps report for SD8 hurt me so much. I was barely 18. Now my name has been cleared and I want to work and just live a happy life. The judge and da knows i did not do that. Yet someway they still manage to find it. I've checked the dps it's not there. But it's somewhere, It really gets to me. But such is life.

sometimes I feel like a prisoner trapped in my own body. That I'm not going to succeed. I feel so hopeless. I feel like I am trying so hard to succeed and be a good father and husband and it's not going to happen.

I just have to hope I get a 2nd chance. I love computers and business and helping and even with a clear name I know it's still there. It wasn't a sex crime or nothing.

A wrong place at the wrong time crime. I did the probation for five years even though I knew I was innocent then finally my name is clear. But they will always see it somehow.


If they couldn't it wouldn't have been used in the cps case to take SD8 and make paternal grandmother hate me. Deep down inside I think that's why WAW fears me too. who knows. I'll just go to all of these services and keep applying for jobs.

Thjis is why I'm so angry. My life changed that day.

[james217]

i could really really use some advice and encouraging words. I'm very down and depressed and right now I don't know what to do. I'm setting goals. I wonder if things will continue to go in a positive manner with WAW. Maybe I should just give up on everything. There are so many roadblocks and obstacles to me trying to fix my life. I'm trying to fight. I'm fighting so hard and trying to stay PMA but it's really hard right now

just talked to the job i interviewed. drug test and background check is clear. submitted information to the client yesterday

[BobbiJo]

Yesterday on Sunday we went out to eat and then to a nice hotel. She wanted to ML but I was hesitant (due to the infidelity and herpes).


She had given full custody of SD8 to paternal grandmother. I almost walked out of the hotel. She still says she’s a bad mother and SD8 needs to be with paternal grandmother. I ask her if she’s going to IC yet and she sas no. I shake my head. We watch tv and cuddle til we fall asleep.

She calls and texts but I don’t answer. I pretend to not get them and text her stating oh you can’t call?

Maybe it's just me but I see a bazillion contradictions and inconsistencies...why exactly did your 'date' involve a hotel? Esp if you didn't want to be intimate (and rightly so btw)...

You were upset over a major custody issue and then just let it go to cuddle and fall asleep? And yes it is good not to have angry outbursts but at some point there will have to be another solution besides walking away during a disagreement...

Finally if she called and texted, and you ignored them, then why text her asking why she can't call you? I am confused...

[gman]

^^^^ Exactly....i am soooo confused with this whole situation anymore.

[james217]

Yesterday on Sunday we went out to eat and then to a nice hotel. She wanted to ML but I was hesitant (due to the infidelity and herpes).


She had given full custody of SD8 to paternal grandmother. I almost walked out of the hotel. She still says she’s a bad mother and SD8 needs to be with paternal grandmother. I ask her if she’s going to IC yet and she sas no. I shake my head. We watch tv and cuddle til we fall asleep.

She calls and texts but I don’t answer. I pretend to not get them and text her stating oh you can’t call?

Maybe it's just me but I see a bazillion contradictions and inconsistencies...why exactly did your 'date' involve a hotel? Esp if you didn't want to be intimate (and rightly so btw)...

You were upset over a major custody issue and then just let it go to cuddle and fall asleep? And yes it is good not to have angry outbursts but at some point there will have to be another solution besides walking away during a disagreement...

Finally if she called and texted, and you ignored them, then why text her asking why she can't call you? I am confused...

Well since I'm living with my parents it's hard for us to have any privacy so after we ate we went to the hotel room instead of hopping on the bus and going to her place. I don't think she's ready to invite me there yet. I know where she is and she knows it but i'm not pushing that. We just needed some privacy to talk about issues.

I walked away after telling her I needed to go outside and think. Room was also smoke free so I had to sit outside and although she used to smoke she's trying to quit so I respected that.

I also wanted to 180. Usually I would blow my stack and get very mad. In IC counseling I was told to remove myself. I was going to leave and go home and let her stay there and then call her later. She convinced me to stay.

She started crying about the entire situation so after I calmed down she asked me to hold her and so I did.

I didn't answer the texts because I didn't want to seem too available. Plus I was still upset about the custody thing when I had thought it over some more.

So I made it seem like I had been busy and never got the texts and calls. Because usually I'd immediately reply or call or answer every call like a sick little puppy. She called me last night and I was sleep. I have not heard from her today.

we did talk some about the child custody issue over lunch but she said we could talk about it later because she was getting upset andn did not want to lose her temper in public or start raising her voice.

I want her to keep pursueing me and keep some form of mystery. If I just keep answering the phone and responding to her texts every single time then she knows i'm just sitting right there waiting for her.

It seems like ive gotten more of a positive response when I'm somewhat distant don't text and call alot. Don't just answer all her calls and texts and make it seem like I didn't just have time for her right then and there and wasn't waiting on her hand and foot

[CityGirl]

Privacy is one thing, a hotel room is another.

To most people a hotel room equates to something more than talking and watching tv. The two of you have such terrible problems IMO adding mixed signals to the list is destructive.

You are still riding all your happiness on your W. Quite honestly, you seem to blame everybody for everything (custody, lost paperwork and so on).

You and your W as individuals need major C'ing before anything can happen. Without that the issues that are very deep and very severe will only be "fixed" on the surface.

Goals are important in your own life but right now you need immediate solutions and your head is far too clouded with your W and her issues to even begin to find any.

This R sounds so very unhealthy. Maybe it is hard for you to see it because you are so wrapped up in it but to an outsider, it seems nothing short of destructive in just about every way.

[james217]

Privacy is one thing, a hotel room is another.

To most people a hotel room equates to something more than talking and watching tv. The two of you have such terrible problems IMO adding mixed signals to the list is destructive.

You are still riding all your happiness on your W. Quite honestly, you seem to blame everybody for everything (custody, lost paperwork and so on).

You and your W as individuals need major C'ing before anything can happen. Without that the issues that are very deep and very severe will only be "fixed" on the surface.

Goals are important in your own life but right now you need immediate solutions and your head is far too clouded with your W and her issues to even begin to find any.

This R sounds so very unhealthy. Maybe it is hard for you to see it because you are so wrapped up in it but to an outsider, it seems nothing short of destructive in just about every way.

we've done the hotel room before several times. When we stayed here with my parents last way it was just a way for us to get away and nothing would happen all the time. Just a little privacy. It's hard to discuss some of the issues over lunch or at a movie or bowling alley.

She wasnt mad about the lack of intimacy kind of disappointed but I just couldn't even though I really really wanted to.

I didn't sign a single document for SD8. not one. That's all on her. But I do not feel like she was in a state to make a sound decision.

I'm still going to counseling. I have a 12 week anger management program too.

I asked her if she's going. She's not right now. I cannot force her. So I just try to make positive moments let her confide and when we discuss? not blow my stack and if I feel like that I'll seperate myself think things through logically (something i've learned in IC) or end the call or stop texting.

I'm detaching. Just slowly. very slowly. In the past i'd bombard with texts and calls and vms. I'm not doing that.

I guess I wanted to test myself too. I wanted to see if I could control myself. I think that's why she waited til we were alone to tell me about SD8. She even told me she expected to blow up and go off after I went outside to think and came back calm validating and understanding stating let me think on it and ill let her know.

I did the opposite and she didn't pull away.

I'm trying to work on getting me happy. I don't want to be on an emotional high just because of interactions with her.

I don't want to be on a low because of noninteractions with her.

With all of the issues and problems I've accepted that there's no easy fix. WHen she talked about coming home I just listened and said there's things we both need to work on.

I'm not ready for her to come home. I just hope our interactions can be somewhat positive and we can regain trust.

I don't want to have this unhealthy thing. I feel like we are talking calmer. I feel we're confiding somewhat. But I do know it's gonna take alot of work and time.

She admitted there's things going on with her and she is trying to deal with them. I did suggest counseling but she won't go. At least not yet.

[james217]

maybe no contact is the best thing to do?

I dont know i'm very very confused.

I thought the dates were a little positive. I thought the confiding was too and her talking and us just having fun and enjoying each others company? The way she talked and acted was different. We both admitted that.

Alot of my happiness is coming from just getting out there applying for jobs and just getting positive results and interviews.

I feel like she's slowly starting to trust a little bit more. But I don't know.

I feel so much healthier! i'm eating better. I'm losing the weight. I feel more full of energy. I make sure I go to bed and get some rest.

I get discouraged about a few things. I mean right now she's NC and i'm not a basket case with alot of calls and texts! I would expect me to do the opposite after the fun we just had.

It was very hard for me not to ML but once I explained she understood and we had fun. Then she told me about SD8 and we talked a little about it but neither wanted to ruin the good encounter (we both agree to try to end every encounter on a positive note) so we let it be until lunch the next day.

Then we discussed it some she said she wanted to have another good lunch and not discuss it in public and we'd talk more later.

she called and left a vm stating she made it in. then she sent a few texts. Then i called back a few hours later and she was sleepy so she called when she woke up and I had shut it down for the night.

Then today she's been NC.

but like i said i'm not a big ball of nerves. I'm pretty much posting about the sd8 thing and school and job because i'm frustrated and needed to let off a lil steam. I'll call counselor later and we'll talk about that too.

[james217]

So what do you suggest CG? MORE boundaries? I really did not mean to give a bad signal about the hotel I just wanted a little privacy.

I also wanted to relax and get away from home for a little while. There's still a little tension and friction here.

We really did not argue. But thought things through. WHen she expressed sd8 to me she wasnt upset she was pretty broken up about it.

She actually told me she loved and missed me yesterday. she hadn't said that in awhile. I think she just needs to think about some of the stuff we discussed and what has occured.

I don't know. I'm very confused about it but I talked to the job and they submitted me over to the company YESTERDAY.

I'm very happy about that. I'm happy with my weight loss. I have alot of new clothes. My health is improving.

THe first thing WAW said when she saw me is how different i looked. More positive. like I had confidence and an aura.

My parents have noticed it too. I still hit low points but they are becoming less frequent

[james217]

it seems like all the vets and everyone else has just given up on me. there's very few replies to my threads.

things that I see as positives i feel stupid because later they are told they aren't positive.

I feel as though. She has been more open. More affectionate. More patient. Listening to me more. I feel like I have had to do to same although I don't know what is going on today.

I feel as though things had been building up for months. Neither one of us really telling the other how they feel. I feel as though we both need counseling too.

I set up another job interview for this thursday. I hope I get it.

welp i guess ill go to sleep. I feel like i'm trying and some things are working and i feel like i've made alot of progress within myself although i know alot of work has to be done.

nobody sees anything positive in what i'm trying to do i guess. or with the changes i've made in a short short time