I know she has seen the changes. I know there is still room for improvement. She just goes back and forth and I keep spinnig around in a circle. How am I supposed to tell what works if it works for a while and then it just stops for no apparent reason? Things will be going good-relatively speaking-and then back to the crap.
Someone once wisely said, about the stock market, "It's like a man walking up and down the stairs, playing with a yo-yo. If you keep your eyes focused on the yo-yo, you will miss the overall direction that the man is walking."
I think this applies to DBing, and "doing what works." Are the immediate threats to your marriage getting better, getting worse, or staying the same?
I may have posted this to you before, IDU, but one of the misconceptions about DBing, in my opinion, is the "Do what works" thing. The problem is that people mis-define "works" as being "what doesn't make her/him angry" and "what makes her/him act nice towards me." Instead of as "what moves me further along down the path toward a mutually-healthy and committed marriage."
Sometimes one has to take a short-term "hit" in the "nice" department in order to solidify a healthier, longer-term gain.
