I agree. Although I had poor boundaries with my cheating W in some ways, she knew better than to discuss OM with me, and she HATED it. She so much wanted to "normalize" all that, and feel comfortable discussing it with me as the new reality of our life. She thought I was dating too (I wasn't), and in a fit of frustration and anger, shouted at me over the phone "You take Clinton's don't ask don't tell policy to a whole new level!" Absolutely amazing how the cheating WAW mind works.
Ken, I was a little like you. I tried to maintain a line of "being there" for my W, but also holding a boundary that her A was unacceptable. I supported her, and listened to her, and treated her with kindness. When I finally had enough and decided to move on, she tried for a couple months to hook me back in, and when she finally realized her control over me was gone, my previous "niceness" was rewarded with a lawsuit for full custody of our kids, something she said she'd never do. Another lie, obviously.
