Went out again with the cast after rehearsal but these late nights and late eating are killing me. This GAL stuff is hard! We open tonight and only run for 5 shows this weekend. Not sure if W will come to the show or not. D19 is planning on it and D20 maybe.
One day at a time!
GAL is not hard LOL! You just haven't done it in a long time, get used to doing it regularly, your body will catch up eventually and you'll build up a tolerance to it, heck you may even like it after a while (that is the goal).
I cannot even fathom talking to my wife for FOUR HOURS while she is cheating on me.
Doing the "gay boyfriend" thing doesn't work, Ken. She's losing more respect for you when you do this (if you don't believe me, ask Sandi how a woman responds to this kind of "Nice Guy" stance).
I see a lot of "rescuing" behavior in your recounting of the MC session, how you jumped to your wife's defense repeatedly. I think you are, like me, generally a "rescuer/pleaser" type, and those CAN be good qualities, if kept in check, but they can also be self-destructive and real attraction-killers if you take them too far.
I told my wife, who was also upset about how our D-then-18 was distraught over her affair, that "you don't get to tell the kids how they get to feel about your decision."
"I see a lot of "rescuing" behavior in your recounting of the MC session, how you jumped to your wife's defense repeatedly. I think you are, like me, generally a "rescuer/pleaser" type, and those CAN be good qualities, if kept in check, but they can also be self-destructive and real attraction-killers if you take them too far. "
In my opinion you can crank these all the way up with the appropriate and deserving mate. Its a mutualy benefitial thing, meaning they should do the same for you.
The case with these WAS, is they are pushing their limits in learning how far they can get over on us. Each affair, each lie, each deception builds confidence in this realm.
I agree. Although I had poor boundaries with my cheating W in some ways, she knew better than to discuss OM with me, and she HATED it. She so much wanted to "normalize" all that, and feel comfortable discussing it with me as the new reality of our life. She thought I was dating too (I wasn't), and in a fit of frustration and anger, shouted at me over the phone "You take Clinton's don't ask don't tell policy to a whole new level!" Absolutely amazing how the cheating WAW mind works.
Ken, I was a little like you. I tried to maintain a line of "being there" for my W, but also holding a boundary that her A was unacceptable. I supported her, and listened to her, and treated her with kindness. When I finally had enough and decided to move on, she tried for a couple months to hook me back in, and when she finally realized her control over me was gone, my previous "niceness" was rewarded with a lawsuit for full custody of our kids, something she said she'd never do. Another lie, obviously.
I cannot even fathom talking to my wife for FOUR HOURS while she is cheating on me.
Doing the "gay boyfriend" thing doesn't work, Ken. She's losing more respect for you when you do this (if you don't believe me, ask Sandi how a woman responds to this kind of "Nice Guy" stance).
I see a lot of "rescuing" behavior in your recounting of the MC session, how you jumped to your wife's defense repeatedly. I think you are, like me, generally a "rescuer/pleaser" type, and those CAN be good qualities, if kept in check, but they can also be self-destructive and real attraction-killers if you take them too far.
Puppy
Sandi,
I really would like to hear your stance on this.
Ken
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
Believe it or not I have heard what all of you vets have said and I believe it. I am done being a "gay boyfriend" and I have been heavily disrespected by my W. I just sent her the following text:
"I have thought and prayed a lot since hearing about your visitor last week. I have come to the conclusion that you broke the promise you made to me on our anniversary when you chose to sleep with him. I feel that I have put up with a lot of hurtful and disrespectful things from you for the last year and that I deserve better! I have decided that I am moving on! Goodbye!"
D is final in 2 months and W will be leaving before then (possibly 1.5 months) and looks at me as a "friend" and that is not what I want and that is not how I should be treated.
To answer some of Robx's questions. We have been separated for 5 months with her living in the apartment for the last 3. We have not been intimate within those five months and her EA with OM just became a PA last week (I believe) when he came to visit her for Easter/my BD.
Haven't heard aything back and don't know if I will but I do NOT regret sending the text! I have my three kids who will all be in town this weekend and they have been very spportive of me throughout this whole process and who I need to focus on as well as myself. I made great friends doing the show who were also very supportive and they will help me through this as well as my siblings and C.
Thanks for all the help everyone!
Me48 WAW46 M24 yrs S24 D21 D19 EA disc 6/09 2nd EA Fall 09 I move out 11/12/09 W and I switch 1/14/10 D Filed 3/17/10 W moves in with OM 6/8/10 D Final 6/21/10
I cannot even fathom talking to my wife for FOUR HOURS while she is cheating on me.
Doing the "gay boyfriend" thing doesn't work, Ken. She's losing more respect for you when you do this (if you don't believe me, ask Sandi how a woman responds to this kind of "Nice Guy" stance).
I see a lot of "rescuing" behavior in your recounting of the MC session, how you jumped to your wife's defense repeatedly. I think you are, like me, generally a "rescuer/pleaser" type, and those CAN be good qualities, if kept in check, but they can also be self-destructive and real attraction-killers if you take them too far.
Puppy
Sandi,
I really would like to hear your stance on this.
Ken
she's going to tell you the same thing, man you're stubborn!
To answer some of Robx's questions. We have been separated for 5 months with her living in the apartment for the last 3. We have not been intimate within those five months and her EA with OM just became a PA last week (I believe) when he came to visit her for Easter/my BD.
- question, can she move out faster? 1-2 months is a long time to be sharing a home with someone who just cheated on you with another man, how do you stomach it?
Bring home some boxes, offer to help her pack and move out quicker than she had planned. If she asks what the rush is about, tell her it's time for you to enjoy the single life and smile at her and don't mention anything else, no conversation, let her continue to ask questions and just smile and tell her, "don't worry about it, it's not your problem anymore"
Consequences for her actions. She cheats, she doesn't get to live with you. Let her live with her friends that are supportive of her and the OM. Let her live with the family that is supportive of her and the OM, she doesn't have to live with you during these next 2 months.
