She wants to make sure that I am officially "served". She stresses that by "receiving" the papers from her, I am not "agreeing" to anything.
I told her that I wanted to sit down and talk to her first before receiving the papers. She said no,receive the papers first and then we'll have something to talk about.
I'm not sure if she has copies of the papers or if she just gives them to a processor. She originally wanted me to meet her at a bank and get them notarized.
Does she understand that even though you're served, its not an agreement on your part to get D. Either refuse to get it from anyone except from her or get the papers, and sit on them. In fact, after you get them, don't talk to her. When she calls, wait till the third one and tell her you've been busy or that you've got plans and will call her later.
She can't "force" you to sign them.
This will piss her off big time. But she can't control your actions anymore than you can control hers.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I thought the clock started ticking once one party has been officially served ... either I counter and we go back and forth until it's ironed out in the court, or we agree to terms and move things along. I thought there was a period of 30 days to respond, otherwise her terms stick.
Our state is pushing for 120 day waiting period before a D can be finalized if there are kids involved. Right now it's 60 days.
I don't understand the childish behavior in not allowing yourself to be served.
Do you think if you avoid this long enough that she will fall in love with you again?
Come on, we're all adults here. Your avoidance of this matter sends only one message to your wife, and it's not the one you think. The message you are sending is, "I don't care what you want and I don't care what you tell me you are feeling. I only care about me and what I want."
You think you are showing evidence of your love and commitment, but what you are really doing is showing evidence of your selfishness and unwillingness to care about her.
Odd. Filing for divorce, shoot, even an actual divorce could not possibly be something that God could not overcome if the two of you are meant to be. But in our human desire to CONTROL and BE IN CHARGE, we refuse to stop trying to control things that are out of our control.
This is not a strategy game CH. You can't win this by out maneuvering your wife.
What about the part of this process where YOU work on YOU and fix the parts about YOU that needed fixing? Or was this ALL your WIFE's fault?
You are showing a lack of faith and a belief in only what YOU can do or control. Is that really where you want to be? Can you see that your FEAR is causing you to approach this in a way that is not consistent with your beliefs?
Blessings,
Bill
Last edited by Bworl; 04/13/1010:17 AM.
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
I guess I never thought of it so much as childish behavior as much as protecting myself from the clock starting to tick on the time the d would be final.
I'm pushing things off as long as I can ...seems to be the advice I am getting here on db. I do agree, however, let go and let God. But right now, not seeing the papers is doing my psychy some good.
I guess I never thought of it so much as childish behavior as much as protecting myself from the clock starting to tick on the time the d would be final.
I'm pushing things off as long as I can ...seems to be the advice I am getting here on db. I do agree, however, let go and let God. But right now, not seeing the papers is doing my psychy some good.
Sometimes....
This HAS to run it's course...
Is the end , really the end...???
Or an opportunity for a new beginning....
It does have the appearance of being a bit manipulating the way I read it...
CH, by trying to avoid being served, you may be aggravating your W even more, she will see you as controlling and that will just confirm her feeling that she is doing the right thing.
This will not bring you the result you want. Accept what she wants, you can't control her. You have to let go of the reins. Let her do what she thinks she must do. Sometimes they have to leave to come back. Remember that.
Concentrate on YOU and continue DB'ing. Show her some real changes in YOU. Do the opposite of what she would expect from you....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
No, I don't want to be manipulating. I'm struggling to detach. I know it has to be done ... but this is all happening too fast and I'm afraid one little mistake on my part will ruin any chances of future r.
CH, detaching and loving from a distance will give you the best chance for Ring down the road. There are no guarantees though and you will do best by using this time to work on you. This helps prepare you to handle whatever way your sitch turns out.
