Are there signs?

[ericmsant2]

Wild

You need to be patient with yourself and with her. This is hard man but patient is the ONLY way to get through this IMO.

If I have it was in passing or that I'm going to try and just give her absolute space, but never follow through. It is hard to stop doing what you have been doing, and learn what you should have been doing and not do it any more.

This is one area of growth that I am talking about. Accepting that YOU cannot control another. Accepting that things happen for a reason. Accepting that God has control over everything. Accepting that although we think we have control what we really have is a false sense of control. Acceptance my friend is not easy. Guess what is comes with PAIN but the pain brings with it growth if YOU let it.

I don't have motivation to do much other than work out.

I suspect that you may not have the motivation to do anything cause you are so focused on her comming back. I do the same thing sometimes so we both must learn to really focus on ourselves. Look man... you were born alone. An individual with your own likes and dislikes - your qualities and likes are YOURS not hers they should not be tied to anything that she does. I would suspect that before you were M you were a fun loving and great guy. Well guess what buddy... it is time to find that guy again. Time to find that person that is really in YOU.

I already do. I think about what she does or has done, and all I can think of is I forgive you.

Is the forgivness for you or for her? Answer this one please.

I don't care, just come back to me,

we can work this out,

we can grow and start a new M and a new R

These are all valid feeling and just go to show how much you love your W. The only issue that I see it that if you say these things to her it is pursuing her. It is a form of preasure. Right now you need to be patient and sit back, detach and wait to see what happens.

I want to be WHOLE AGAIN.

Does WHOLE AGAIN have to include another person? Have you thought about becoming whole again AND then trying to work on your M.

IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!

This shi* will drive you crazy but you are NOT - remember she is the one that is not facing her issues. Keep saying this to yourself.

I don't know how to detach

IMO no one knows how to detach. You learn this thru trial and error. Read the link on detachment that OP provided. Read it several times. Allow it to reallly sink in. The detaching has been the hardest thing in this process for me but the most helpful. You see once you let go and detach you can begin to really heal and grow. Why? Because you are no longer allowing your emotions to be driven by her actions or lack of actions. You see you really begin to accept that you have no control over her. It is hard buddy but based on your post I am sure that you can do it.

Keep your head up...stay the course...stay focused on what YOU want.


Good Bless,
Eric