Faith without works... (my new thread)

[james217]

Privacy is one thing, a hotel room is another.

To most people a hotel room equates to something more than talking and watching tv. The two of you have such terrible problems IMO adding mixed signals to the list is destructive.

You are still riding all your happiness on your W. Quite honestly, you seem to blame everybody for everything (custody, lost paperwork and so on).

You and your W as individuals need major C'ing before anything can happen. Without that the issues that are very deep and very severe will only be "fixed" on the surface.

Goals are important in your own life but right now you need immediate solutions and your head is far too clouded with your W and her issues to even begin to find any.

This R sounds so very unhealthy. Maybe it is hard for you to see it because you are so wrapped up in it but to an outsider, it seems nothing short of destructive in just about every way.

we've done the hotel room before several times. When we stayed here with my parents last way it was just a way for us to get away and nothing would happen all the time. Just a little privacy. It's hard to discuss some of the issues over lunch or at a movie or bowling alley.

She wasnt mad about the lack of intimacy kind of disappointed but I just couldn't even though I really really wanted to.

I didn't sign a single document for SD8. not one. That's all on her. But I do not feel like she was in a state to make a sound decision.

I'm still going to counseling. I have a 12 week anger management program too.

I asked her if she's going. She's not right now. I cannot force her. So I just try to make positive moments let her confide and when we discuss? not blow my stack and if I feel like that I'll seperate myself think things through logically (something i've learned in IC) or end the call or stop texting.

I'm detaching. Just slowly. very slowly. In the past i'd bombard with texts and calls and vms. I'm not doing that.

I guess I wanted to test myself too. I wanted to see if I could control myself. I think that's why she waited til we were alone to tell me about SD8. She even told me she expected to blow up and go off after I went outside to think and came back calm validating and understanding stating let me think on it and ill let her know.

I did the opposite and she didn't pull away.

I'm trying to work on getting me happy. I don't want to be on an emotional high just because of interactions with her.

I don't want to be on a low because of noninteractions with her.

With all of the issues and problems I've accepted that there's no easy fix. WHen she talked about coming home I just listened and said there's things we both need to work on.

I'm not ready for her to come home. I just hope our interactions can be somewhat positive and we can regain trust.

I don't want to have this unhealthy thing. I feel like we are talking calmer. I feel we're confiding somewhat. But I do know it's gonna take alot of work and time.

She admitted there's things going on with her and she is trying to deal with them. I did suggest counseling but she won't go. At least not yet.