WAW and me in 11th hour!!!!

[Ken62]

Sent W an e-mail regarding the taxes last night and she called pretty quickly to discuss them with me. We ended up talking on the phone for 4 hours!

The first part was about taxes but then we moved into S24 visit later this week and visit by OM last week and her relationship with all the kids. I tried to validate as much as I could and overall it was a good talk.

She told me about another melt down she had last Friday about her relationship with all of her kids. She did make a few phone calls to try and find someone to talk to. She ended up calling her friend who is a crisis counselor.

She really wants to share her happiness about her and OM with the kids and for them to accept him and be happy for her and she has gotten a lot of push back from the kids. I said that I know she wants their approval but it is just too soon for them. S24 has only been dealing with the reality of our split/divorce for 5 months and she wants him to accept that she is already sleeping with someone else! Oh the lack of logic!

Again, it's the play of one. Everything has to be on W schedule. I tried to remind her of what my C talked about. That we all do things in our own time and if you force it it is like helping a butterfly out of its cocoon before it is ready. It will die. She wants me to be farther along in this process and the kids farther along in accepting her and OM.

Asked her if she was interested in seeing my C for IC and she said that she just doesn't know if she could trust C again since last time she "threw her under the bus". This was back on Jan. 2 when W said that "she had no choice" and D "had to be done" and the C said that she was "speaking like a victim" and that W did have a choice. W hated that and still feels that it wasn't a choice/decision. She feels that C then treated her poorly and W "punishment" for her decision was to have to move out of her house and into the apartment.

I stated W position that to W it is like having your hand over a flame and you have to pull it away and that is why it isn't a choice/decision to W, it is more of a reflex or self preservation. But to me and C it is that W choices are to stay in a M that she feels is "killing" her or getting out and she chose to get out. Tried to explain that W is not being "punished" because of her decision but that she doesn't want to be in the M so she doesn't get to stay in the house.

W is still very hung up on the house and the furniture and all that she did there for the last 18 years and I can see that. I was able to tell her that her saying that knowing that someone might be sleeping in her bed some day bothered her was not the nicest thing to hear. It was as if that was worse than hearing that someone was sleeping with her husband/ex-husband. The whole material thing really baffles me.

One of the better things she said was that we should be as positive as possible around the kids so that they think everything is okay and then they wont feel sorry for me and be mad at her for what she is doing with OM. She even talked about trying to have a family therapy session while S24 was home but I don't see how that would happen.

She mentioned that she is scared to death to move back to her home town for at least the summer but knows that she has to do it. I told her that I know she does and wish her the best of luck.

She talked about meeting one of my fellow cast members after the show who I introduced to her. She said that she noticed how the woman squeezed my shoulder as she left and wondered if there was something going on there. I told her that I wasn't aware of what she was referring to. Boy do women pick up on things or what?

She said watching the show was difficult at times and that some of the time she hated me for being in the show because it was another "punishment" for her that I could be in it and she couldn't. She said that she was tempted to leave at intermission because D19 was being cold and other people were not treating her well but she stayed.

She talked again about the lack of "spark" between us and that at the concert on her BD she felt like "friends". I brought up the fact that her being with OM and the hurt and anger she feels for me could possibly be a "spark inhibitor". I talked about the fact that we were never able to work on the M or R after the bomb was dropped was difficult for me.

Near the end of the conversation I talked about the fact that I have been spending these last 5 months trying to give her space and I have finally realized that I need my space from her and that her moving back home will be good for me. She seemed to get kind of quiet during that but I could be wrong.

She reiterated that we may or may not do things together as a "family" this weekend while S24 is in town. We were all planning on going to an indoor skydiving place because I have a free one coming from a silent auction. I told her that I wasn't sure if I wanted her there and I really wasn't sure if the kids wanted her there so I said that I would check with them and let them decide. Not sure how that would affect her if she didn't get to go or wasn't "wanted" there. Any thoughts on which one would be better?

Sorry for the long update but it was a long phone call!