Well, I think your W is certainly playing games with you. Don't allow yourself to be her tool in bed. Having sex is not always a "good thing"....as you might think. She used you, plain & simple, and even though it might be difficult to say no to sex,try to remember that it is not "you" that she is thinking about while doing it. Some LBH's think it is a good sign if their W initiates sex,but not necessarily.
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She emailed me this morning and said that she doesn't want to throw in the towel, but she wants to separate, that she needs space. I told her that I will give her space and that I appreciate her not wanting to thrown in the towel. I asked her how she wanted to do this. She replied 'IDK', so I offered up some suggestions for her to think about. I told her that it's her decision and she needs to do what's best for her. So, she just replied back again, I don't know how to do it.
Now here you are being too "helpful". Why are you allowing her to make all these decisions by asking her how does she want to do it? And,stop telling her how you appreciate her for not throwing in the towel.
She seems awful silly to be as old as she is! Anyway, don't try to help her find a solution...if you don't want a S. Tell her that when she figures out what she wants to do that she can run it by you....if you are still around & interested.
She wants her space and time so that she can play around and see what happens with OM. If that doesn't work out, then she'll have you waiting in the wings.
Last edited by sandi2; 04/13/1009:38 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Again sandi, thank you. I know it was bad on my part to go along with her last night. I even thought to myself that she's not thinking about me. But, jus for the record, we didn't actually have sex, just fooled around.
I guess I could have worded what I said about the S better. I guess I was trying to make her actually think about the specifics and details o this plan of hers. I think in her head, it's just as simple as saying you want to do it, and there's no hard work, loss, or planning involved. I have ZERO intention of helping her do this. I do realize that my compliment wasn't a good idea.
I'm glad so done else thinks she's being silly for her age! I couldn't agree more. I'll say this too, her online activity is really starting to take it's toll on her. The OM is 2 hours behind us, so she's been up until 2-3 am every night and getting up around 7. Like today, she was about an hour and a half late to work and had to go home around 2:30 and take a nap from being so tired. And I know some of that is all of this in general is exhausting, but her schedule is getting so out of whack, and I can see the effect it's having on her. Especially since I'm starting to get back into mine and doing better.
Ok, I've kind of come to the realization tonight that she has no interest in ending her online fling. It's so frustrating thinking that we're going to end up divorcing because she decided that hiding behind this was her best way to deal with our problems. How do I get over that after everything we've shared together? That's so messed up to me.
Well, at this point, I've become so defeated by all of this, I don't even care if she keeps doing it. I made it very clear to her that I'm not waiting around for her if she doesn't want to be with me, and her actions scream that she doesn't. So, she just keeps reinforcing that's true and I'm just ready to get this over with at this point. I hope she looks back at these last two weeks and realizes how stupid her thought process was because at this point, I think she's kind of pathetic.
But, jus for the record, we didn't actually have sex, just fooled around.
Same principle applies. You are giving mixed messages when you "fool around" with her. She is being unfaithful to you, so you should not have "playtime" with her.
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I made it very clear to her that I'm not waiting around for her if she doesn't want to be with me, and her actions scream that she doesn't. So, she just keeps reinforcing that's true and I'm just ready to get this over with at this point.
If you really mean that, then put all of her clothes out of the master bedroom and throw on the bed in the extra room. Why would you want her crawling in & out of your bed whenever she decides? She doesn't want to live with you right now and you don't want her on these terms, so show her you mean business by getting her things out of your bedroom. You stay in the master bedroom, but put her out. Or you can pack her things up and tell her she can find another place to stay.
Last edited by sandi2; 04/14/1011:11 AM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Well, at this point, I've become so defeated by all of this, I don't even care if she keeps doing it. I made it very clear to her that I'm not waiting around for her if she doesn't want to be with me, and her actions scream that she doesn't. So, she just keeps reinforcing that's true and I'm just ready to get this over with at this point. I hope she looks back at these last two weeks and realizes how stupid her thought process was because at this point, I think she's kind of pathetic.
