I think the above articles are quite applicable to most LBS, whether or not you believe in MLC as a major cause of M crisis.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Not sure what you're referring to OTMT . The only time he tried to work it out IMO was during MC, but even then he was showing up but not shifting or doing the work.
Sorry...the way I read it I thought you meant he was trying a lot in the past...
I'm sure he was trying a lot in his own way. But there was little communication or effort on the things that counted.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
So, went to see IC #2 today (psychologist recommended by L). Her assessment of me was that because of my father dying and other events in my childhood, I had an ambivalent attachment to my remaining parent, my mother. She thinks that I've had dysthymia and anxiety all my life because of the attachment issues (dysthymia due to connection being conditional on my performance, anxiety due to connection being conditional on my mother's inconsistent availability). She thinks that I developed procrastination as a child, as a way of resisting my parents and gaining control over my situation. It was a way of comforting myself. She believes that dealing with the childhood attachment issues that I have will help with the dysthymia, anxiety, and procrastination.
She said that the current situation is a huge trigger for my abandonment issues.
She recommended using ADs to address the dysthymia. She feels that it's a practical long-term help for that problem and she encouraged me to find the right one for me.
I've never been diagnosed with dysthymia before, although I have been diagnosed with depression and seasonal affective disorder. Symptoms: * Feelings of hopelessness * Insomnia or hypersomnia * Poor concentration or difficulty making decisions * Low energy or fatigue * Low self-esteem * Poor appetite or overeating. * Irritability
Regarding reconciliation, she recommended that I sit down with H in a coffee shop and ask him about where he's at with things and share my distress. She said that after 3 months he should know where he's at with things.
She emphasized how much dealing with our S6's special needs has likely impacted our M negatively. She emphasized the importance of getting help for him.
Her insights and observations rang true for me and I felt that she quickly figured out the big picture of my life. I have mixed feelings about stirring up the stuff from the past though.
A major disappointment is that I have to make a choice between having her as an IC or using her for the coparenting plan...she is not willing to both, I guess for somewhat obvious reasons. I would like to pursue the insights that she has about my personal problems. OTOH, she has unique qualifications to do the coparenting plan for us because she has a background in working with autistic children and her input on creating a coparenting plan that addresses S6's special needs would be incredibly valuable. So I'll have to make that decision before seeing her again.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
She said that after 3 months he should know where he's at with things.
Hmmm, No?
Yeah, that just doesn't seem to jive with the sitches that do reconcile that I've seen here on DB. In fact, most seem to take a long time (over a year).
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
A major disappointment is that I have to make a choice between having her as an IC or using her for the coparenting plan...she is not willing to both, I guess for somewhat obvious reasons. I would like to pursue the insights that she has about my personal problems. OTOH, she has unique qualifications to do the coparenting plan for us because she has a background in working with autistic children and her input on creating a coparenting plan that addresses S6's special needs would be incredibly valuable. So I'll have to make that decision before seeing her again.
Tough choice. Despite her insights and her quick zeroing in on some of your personal issues, I'd lean towards using her Special Needs Skills for S6. Perhaps she knows of a like-minded and like-skilled IC to whom she can refer you. If so, you could sign a form giving her permission to fill in new IC2 on her thoughts .
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
You could ask your IC, but maybe the IC means that by the 3rd month he wouldn't be emotionally flip-flopping...that he would know what he wants right now.
The IC seems to have hit on a lot of things that you accept as being possible problems you are facing. It might be good to stay with her for that.
Regarding reconciliation, she recommended that I sit down with H in a coffee shop and ask him about where he's at with things and share my distress. She said that after 3 months he should know where he's at with things.
I would be very careful following this advice. It could backfire and be applying pressure to your H
. The only time he tried to work it out IMO was during MC, but even then he was showing up but not shifting or doing the work. 
