One other thing....have you ever consider that maybe just maybe she will appreciate and respect you for the TIME that you are giving her to deal with HER issues. Just something to think about my friend.
No, I haven't considered it. If I have it was in passing or that I'm going to try and just give her absolute space, but never follow through. It is hard to stop doing what you have been doing, and learn what you should have been doing and not do it any more.
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Will you internalize it and become depressed, will you remain angry and hurt for the rest of your life OR will YOU take this time to GROW, HEAL, and really become the type of person that YOU would never want to leave. I think I know your answer.
I dont want to internalize at all. I'm used to letting my feelings out. I've always been a person who was honest with his family and friends, maybe even bruttally so. I want to GROW, I want to HEAL, but each time i see her my emotional scar is ripped wide open again, it makes me want to go to my knees. GALing is all good, I have plenty of things that I can do to find a Life. But honestly nothing seems worth my time. I don't have motivation to do much other than work out.
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You will learn to love her unconditionally
I already do. I think about what she does or has done, and all I can think of is I forgive you. I don't care, just come back to me, we can work this out, we can grow and start a new M and a new R. I dont want my old one. I want to be WHOLE AGAIN. IT IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!
I promised my life to her, I'm extreamly loyal to those who I give trust in. yes i know she has broken that trust but I have given myself to her. I know no one else but her. She is my first for everything. She is truly the one I loved first, truly loved. And all she is doing is hurting me. And I have no idea why? Its like someone giving you something then when you reach for it they beat you for reaching for it. All you can do is ask why, why are you doing this to me? I don't deserve it, I am a good man, I am a good husband, and I am a good father. I don't deserve to be treated this way. But if you just talk to me and walk with me we can learn. If you would just choose to love rather than wait for the feeling you would be different. If you would just do the right thing rather than listen to your heart you would know what it is you should do. If I can make the descision to change why cant you? If I can make the right choices why is it so hard for you? Why do you run away rather than fight for what is worth fighting for?
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No just love her....Love her from a distance. That my friend is detaching.
Detach and you will gain clarity and peace. Detach and things do not hurt as much. Yeah you will have pain, detaching does not happen over night. It is a process, a process just like the process of trying and save your marraige
There-in lies my problem. I don't know how to detach
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Promise yourself this today - today I will NOT give up on my M. Today I will not give up on ME. Today I will not give up on my family. Today I will accept that I cannot control things. Today I give this to HIM.
I have done this already, 7 years ago when put that RING on her finger. I made my promise to God and I made my promise to myself and her. I don't want to control anything I just want to be happy. I just want to wake up and feel like myself again. I used to be a goofy guy someone who would joke around and not take life seriously. Now all I do is wake up and feel like my skin isn't mine. I am torn in two and I'm trying to rebuild myself.
Eric, thank you. I still need to read over what you have wrote a few more times. The thing is I'm not on a rollercoaster any more. I'm just coming to realize and be honest with how I feel. You can call me any time today after 2 so 4 your time. I got to my IC at 8.
I like all this empty space because i can now type out things that are important.
Like: D7 S2 starting swimming lessons on 3/30
"Readily will I display the intestinal fortidue required to fight on..."
