flowmom, Help me out, here. After reading your post, the article itself, and some of the subsequent posts, I think I'm not quite getting it. Is the "Fantasy Relationship" the fantasy that one's spouse thinks (or hopes or expects) that you - or your relationship - should be, or is it referring to the potential trap of an EA fantasy relationship?
Gardener, I think that the article refers to comparing a real spouse to some imagined ideal, not to an EA with a real person.
This is EXACTLY what happened in my marriage. Yes there was infidelity on more than one occasion but I think he justified it bc he kept holding me up to his idea of what 'marriage' looked like and I didn't measure up...
Many times he would actually say, "I don't know how to accept you as you are, I know you accept me faults and all but I can't do that with you"...During our Retro weekend, I told him I would let go of all past hurts but he said he 'couldn't' do the same.
We tried to piece more than once but it never worked. I would work my a$$ off to make things different. Then I would be late once or he would see my car was messy and I got the "You will never change" angry outburst...he was going to speak to our pastor but then said, "He will just tell me to love and accept you and I don't know how"...
Anyway sorry for the ramble but I truly believe as long as one spouse holds on to the fantasy of what he/she thinks the marraige SHOULD be, there is no way to make progress.
We got a D bc I finally let go. Now he has emailed and texted me all morning trying to find out if I think he did a good job dressing the kids at his place this morning....so I agree with the posts that say as soon as you move forward with your life and find your own happiness they are often thrown for a loop...and this from the man who told me he needed a D bc he could't "deal with me" anymore...yet he is seeking me out for approval...
