Feeling very down today. I received an e-mail from one of the mom's on my son's baseball team----questions about uniforms and practice times. Several references to "H" asking her to check with everyone about these things. This used to be my job. I loved it. Last year I mentioned to H how losing this job was one more thing that I missed....one more loss that I had. We coached Little League together, with me the "organizer" since before we had kids.

Anyway, that's the way it is. It's very hard for me thinking about everything I have lost. Not productive, but still hard. Still can't turn it off. Not that I have any time to be doing any of this now, but I always used to be busy and still managed.

Yesterday H came to pick up S11 for baseball practice. I asked him to sign the e-file form that tax preparer sent. He asked "is that done already?" I had to beg to get his W-2 and other tax forms. He did finally give them to me. Last week I sent him a simple e-mail, that the taxes were done and our refund was X. I mentioned my e-mail to him and he said he guessed "he missed it."

SoCo, a lot of days I TRULY wish my H was more out of the picture with the kids. I know I've been warned about wishing that, but that is how I feel.


Me 45
M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08
D 18, D 14, S 12