Let me first start off by saying that you are NORMAL. You are hurt, you are fustrated and all of these feelings are NORMAL. You have experience a severe blow to thing you more than likely valued more than anything - your marriage. So you are entitled to feel pain. You are entitled to feel upset and angry. BUT what will you do with this anger? That is the question that you need to ask yourself. What my friend will you do with this anger? Will you internalize it and become depressed, will you remain angry and hurt for the rest of your life OR will YOU take this time to GROW, HEAL, and really become the type of person that YOU would never want to leave. I think I know your answer.
So how do you do this you are probably wondering? Well my friend you do this by going THROUGH the pain, you do this by focusing on YOU and YOUR kids, you do this by reflecting on you, you do this by FINALLY realizing that YOU CAN ONLY CONTROL YOU. You do this by accepting that true love is the ability to LET GO. That's right, LET GO. You see, a lot of time WE Want people to change to fit our mold, we want them to be the people we want them to be BUT this is somewhat controlling my friend. IMO, true love lets go and lets God. True love understands that I cannot change another but can change myself, true love does not HOLD on to anger and hurt - it forgives, it encourages.
Am I saying that you do not have true love - NO. You do! You are struggling with the realization that this is really happening to you. You are realizing that YOU really do not have control over her or her actions. You are realizing that the pain will not go away in a few months. All of this is normal and from this YOU WILL GROW. You will learn to love her unconditionally. Think about that unconditionally. NO CONDITIONS. Not a condition that she return, not a condition that she does the things that you want her to do. No just love her....Love her from a distance. That my friend is detaching.
Detach and you will gain clarity and peace. Detach and things do not hurt as much. Yeah you will have pain, detaching does not happen over night. It is a process, a process just like the process of trying and save your marraige.
Promise yourself this today - today I will NOT give up on my M. Today I will not give up on ME. Today I will not give up on my family. Today I will accept that I cannot control things. Today I give this to HIM.
Wild - you are good man and one hell of a father. Take comfort in this and cut yourself a little slack buddy. Cry, but not in front of her or your kids. Scream out to God to heal you and your W. Pray like you have never prayed before. Hug your kids (they are so cute) and then my friend....GIVE IT TO GOD. Let this be a battle that He fights for you. Then start the process of healing.
I will try and reach out to you tonight. I am on the east coast (CT to be exact).
You say you did not speak her LL enough...why not just leave her be and let her come to the realization on HER time of what she has. What she has my friend is ONE HELL of a MAN.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
