Husband left me 3 months pregnant...

[Babydoll]

on a positive note, i planted geraniums on my front step today... ans thanks to my ever supportive mother, i went looking for baby furniture the other night. hard to do when i planned to do this with H, but i did it. and the long walks with my dog and just sitting in the sun with her seems to make moments of my day so much better.

thanks for always listening to me rant and rave...

[Piano]

BD, me too, I feel like I am living the same surreal life. Going through the motions of gathering goods and preparing for baby, trying to make the move back into my apartment permanent, but the rejection just gets too much sometimes for me also. Just had a huge cry this morning. First day on maternity leave! Can't understand why H would chose the bachelor life or another OW over me & an unborn baby. Sent him that letter. Would you mind popping over and seeing if I what I sent read better?
Geraniums are old time favourites of mine, they remind me of my grandma and Europe - did you plant red, white, or pink?
Lucky you to have a pooch! They are good company. Hugs to you today.

[Babydoll]

P, the letter is perfect! nice touch! maternity leave... how awesome! this is your time to get ready for your little one! iknow how hard it is but throw yourself into baby mode. do anything and everything positive, and with love! i truly wish you the best!

i am only 27 weeks, but started having contractions... went to the hospital today, thought i felt a bit odd and that i was having light cramping. Doc says i was having a contraction an hour... but it was normal and to be expected. Fingers crossed!
but all is well with the little guy! H and I decided after some ugly words (mostly nasty texts and calls on my part)that it is best we not speak right now. It is physically taking a toll on me and i need to be strong for this pregnancy. sitting in the hospital it was extremely hard knowing that H was not there. I told him i was on the way, and told him not to show up. He wrote me several times to ask how i was and what was going on. my mom called H to give him the update and he sounded concerned and upset, but understood why i wanted the distance. he just sent a text tonight asking how i was feeling.

i think as scarry as today was, it was a wake up call for me. i need to stop crying and carrying on. i need to stop focusing on the WAH and stp feeling sorry for myself. i need to let H go and let him come to terms with whatever it is he is going through and trust that in the end we will be both be happy, hopefully together, but if not, then apart. am i silly for still be so hopeful. for believing in our love. for thinking he is going through some sort of crisis and will someday (really soon) come out of it.

i could really use a miracle right about now.

the geraniums are red! and make me happy every night i walk into the house and see them.

[Piano]

Red - perfect.

They must be Braxton Hicks contractions? Did Doc say that?
I was worried there for a minute but am very releieved to hear all is well with the baby boy. He's a fighter to have come this far with you! It will all go well, I'm sure :-)

Thanks for checking my letter, and for the advice on honing it.

yes, it's devasting to be doing all this without our H's.

Some say on this site you have to face the brutal reality of your sitch before being able to properly move on.

I don't think that means giving up on all hope however.

(hugs)

[LSG]

Hi Babydoll,

Your post name makes me think of my wife's post name she uses sometimes on other sites. I have read your post from time to time, and I just wanted to wish for you to have a miracle and everything will work out in your R.

If it does not work out, I wish you the best for you and your little "miracle" that you are carrying.

Take care of yourself and the little one!

Just wanted to give my best to you.

[gatsby11]

Hey BD, just thinking about ya!

I really like going to youtube and finding pregnancy yoga stuff. . . just helps with anxiety and health in general and all that.

See ya.

[Babydoll]

P, they said it wasnt braxton hicks? strange... but i'm ok!

LSG, i am hoping for a miracle in my R too. thanks for your kind words... this baby is truly my miracle...

G, i really have to get back into the yoga too! i have to see the name of the site i found on my home computer that gives 15-20 minutes maternity yoga classes online. when i find it i'll post it on here.

H is sad that I asked him not to come last night. I guess I was waiting for him to come charging through and be there. i told him not to come, he wrote today that he didnt want to stress me out more after we'd been fighting for days now. to be honest, i wasnt really worried about him yesterday, wanted to make sure the baby was ok. it didnt seem to hit me until last night, that this was my reality. he sent texts this morning saying he wished he would have come anyways. and i got an email from his dad, after having heard and wishing us well. his dad is as devastated as i am, and goes to church every day praying for him and me and the baby.

I apologized to H for all of the verbally abusive things i said, as they not only demoralize him and make him feel awful, but it absolutely crushes me and makes me feel so sad and like a terrible person. i think i am more affected by it than H is. H tends to hold things in and not say anything, but i know what it does to him. so why cant i stop?

i told him today he should do what feels right in his heart and that he needs to step up and fight for the role he wants to play in the baby;s life and he said its hard since I told him its either 100% or nothing at all, its either we are all a family or nothing. I shouldnt feel bad since he made this mess. but it does break my heart. and its not my responsibility to guide him through life anymore. absolutely kills me

but i am not capable of putting asie my feelings for him, and have him there part of the pregnancy. believe me there are moments when i think this could be the one thing to trigger his mind...or this will confirm to him that he doesnt want part of us. honestly i am not thinking of what it does to him anymore. he left. it takes a ton of courage and strength an strong emotions to leave a pregnant wife... if he only showed 1% of that courage to claim his role in the baby's life...

he doesnt even argue back anymore... now its me bitching and complaining or cyring or begging or pleading, and he just says ok. i say awful things and put him down and he just takes it. I end up crying hysterically... and i know he beats himselfup over it and just accepts this as his punishment. makes me believe he must be in love with someone else... if not why accept this lifestyle and hurt and pain?

[Piano]

BD, he's feeling guilty. In my opinion, you did well to state your boundaries and hold them.

It's good you apologised for the manner in which you spok to H. Nothing wrong with sucking that up.

Did you read the advice Allen gave me? Don't be his mother - let him make his mistakes and step up to the plate himself. Don't block him, but don't help him either. He has to work his own way out of the hole he has dug himself in to be worthy of you.

I know this is easy said...and so hard to do, especially when you love and care for someone you think has 'fallen'. I'm with ya.

I am a little way ahead of you (not by much) but I wish I spent a lot less time (and still do) trying to 'figure' out a way to get H to "click".

Best advice on this website: tell your spouse you are OK with theor decision. You're still in the begging and pleading and haranging stage ( I was there for two solid months post bomb and some days are so full of rage and hurt that I could easily slip back there - but that's why I have cut all contact..I am building to the day where I can communicate with him in a way that is detached, and hopefully loving..maybe not the loving part..we'll see), but it only makes the sitch more difficult for both of you.

So, a gentle reminder.. Be the BIGGER person. Don't plead. Don't argue. Tell him you're just fine without him.

A Sucess story by Britt has just been posted in Newcomers. Worth a look.

Hugs to you and good to hear again that bub is well after those mysterious contractions!

[Piano]

makes me believe he must be in love with someone else... if not why accept this lifestyle and hurt and pain?

Could be a myriad of reasons. From memory, you still don't have any intel on whether there is an A or not.

In my sitch, there was the OW, but as you know I have no idea what the status of that is.

The feeling I get is that whatever the reason, he is confused and lost and really wants out of the marriage right now - don't make the same mistake over and over by telling him he is wrong. It's how he feels.

Do a 180: tell him you know he wants out, you're not going to stop him, and that he is right, and that the separation is good for you both, especially since you are heavily pregnant now and the needs of you and the baby come first.

My 2 bobs worth.

[Lll54]

Check out my story in newcomers, MY SUCCESS STORY. It CAN happen, never give up hope! It took me a long time to detach and that's okay, but even after I detached and became okay with the sitch, I never gave up hope! Good luck with baby!