New and Needing Advice (Long)

[sandi2]

Well, even after our first bout with this last year and she told me flat out that she felt more like my mom than my lover,

This, together with your passive ways, is what killed her attraction to you. It is not natural for a woman to have sexual attraction for a man who is like her son. It will take a long time for her to see your consistant changes. The key word here is "consistant" b/c she will think that every action is your way of winning her back. You will give up if these changes are not for the soul purpose of becoming a stronger man who is prepared to be the leader of his family.

The Internet addiction, fantasy, EA's, etc., are very serious and hard to break,but it can be done.

I would suggest that you not say anything to her about "trying" to work at the M. Don't focus on "her" trying. The more you say things to her about the R,the further you push her away. Everytime my H did that, a wall of resentment would go up around me b/c I felt like I had been the one "trying" in our M all those years, but I was done at that point.

So, focus on what you will do.....not what she should be doing. Don't fret over her not responding to your changes. If you are watching her to see if she is noticing your changes, that means that you are not doing them for yourself.

She is going to do what she wants to do. Your best move will be to become an attractive man in every way. If she sees that and comes out of her fantasy, then there is a chance for the M. If she doesn't, then you will move on and be a better man and find somebody who will appreciate you. I don't mean to sound callous but that is pretty much how you have to look at it.