Love it! Meanwhile I had my whole table laughing at our work meeting today b!tching it had been 2 years for me... (our presenter was using phrases like 'increase stamina' re. reading comprehension and one woman kept telling the girl next to her she was vibrating (her phone)...I am seeing sex everywhere!!!
Such good news K. Glad you are surprising him, too!
H has been in a funk. He called on his way to work and said he is fed up and needs to quit one job. He said he cant be doing this anymore. Unfortunately he is thinking of leaving the morning job which is more secure and keeping the evening one which pays more and has better insurance. That means the kids will see him more, no more trips but still working every night and the weekend. I know for sure, he doenst want to leave the newspaper cause he feels good with the people there, they are like friends and it is far more creative. Plus it keeps him in the business while the other is no longer a journalist position, it is a high status, but not as a journalist. Complicated... Anyway, I hope he discuss it with me. K
I am a little sad today. Nothing bad, on the contrary, just a little sad. I am always a Drama Queen (Princess doesnt sound good) and love to live things with my heart and not brain. But I am tough too. Tough cookie (round one again now). And my gut feeling still works.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
"Forrest, less crazy, definitely. I am in more control of my reactions, something I was doing at work, with friends but wasnt good at with H. All this intro-analysis of wrong doings and mistakes, helped after all..."
They are not "wrong doings". They were learning how to use the right tool at the right time. Remember the "old" ones feel good in your hand. But.. the are very inefficient at getting the job done.
"He talked to his sis and BiL and was trying to talk to me about it and said I was defending BiL and that made him defend his sister which is something he doesnt want to do. I have a hard time being objective here."
This is reasonable.. expected and normal. The "emotion" behind the thought process's it what makes it a chance to change things. You even said the word "defend". Of course he will defend the sister. Blood is thick. You have to propose your words correctly. To you.. they are just 2 random people.. that you met on the street. To him he has had a "relationship" with one of them! My gut.. or my "crazy talk" suggests that you just be a friend to him in this.
"I would love to know what she is up to though..."
She wants your man. The less you make that apparent that you know that.. the better off you are.
"One thing we need to take care of is find time for just the two of us."
Make it so #1.
"He said he cant be doing this anymore. Unfortunately he is thinking of leaving the morning job which is more secure and keeping the evening one which pays more and has better insurance."
He said "I can't be doing this anymore." This indicates to me that "Life" is closing in some. I honestly think this is a good thing. But.. it could go bad. You seem to have some reservations about him leaving the AM job. Why? Yes.. I see the surface reasons.. but I need more info. Us DAM always go the more "secure" route. You know keeping the family safe and secure. The idea becomes.. by keeping the PM job is his "family" safe and secure?
And just so you know.. I hope all is well with your family. I don't comment on it much because it distracts me. Don't take it as a I don't care.
Now...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
K seems to think the AM job is more secure while H seems to think the PM one is. My hunch is he knows best which is more secure and he needs your support and reassurance. The AM job of course would also provide more K<->H security. He's torn between the two. Listen to his feelings first before telling him your feelings. Hopefully things then move with the right spirit in the right direction.
nope, fb2, you are wrong. He is the one saying the morning job is the more secure, he has been there for 13 years, his contract says he needs to be at that job min 4 hours a day (!!!!) and he is the boss of his dept (the big boss is, as of last year -how things turn out in life- a friend of his, one that was even present at our wedding). But it is a job he got back in 1997 because he was a journalist but it is not a "writing" job. Also, the money is less than the evening job and the health/pension insurance is different.
He tried to quit his evening job 3 months ago only to withdraw his resignation. THAT is NOT a secure job. He has other options, he just doesnt see them now. He says he feels trapped. I am not going to push him or fight with him over this. This is HIS thing, his decision and I am done mothering him. If he wants my oppinion I will gladly give it but that's it. If he wants my support, he will have it but that's about it.
We were together last night. With the kids, at home. He had the night off. I had a lousy mood and failed to reach out to him, it is so hard when I was trying to learn not to, for 2 years. What I did manage to do was, to be quiet, non-aggressive, not hostile.
I am having troubles with the thought of the OW. I am obssessing again. I am reading books etc but nothing seems to help. I noticed it happens now and then. Comes as a wave, leaves as a wave... I need to discuss it with him. I wonder if my antennas have picked up something again. Wouldnt surprise me at all, in fact I am being careful cause something feels "funny"... K
What exactly feels funny? Is it that you aren't used to him being around and spending more quality time together? Is it that he is acting silly and that concerns you because it is different? Has he done something to make you think OW is back? Is it the stress of everything going on in your life?
I think you should talk to IC about this before you talk to him to make sure that you aren't confusing how you are feeling with maybe being scared about your wall coming down. You had to make a wall to get through the last few years, and now that things are going better and H is actually sticking to his part of the bargain...it can feel strange and make you wonder.
At the same time, maybe you are picking up on something else. I would just hate to see the good progress get stopped. He has said OW is out of the picture. He gave you his passwords. He invited you to Europe. He seems to really be trying so why would he mess that up again? If you do talk to him, make sure you write down and look over it many times what you want to say to make sure you aren't being accusatory or abrassive, but truly explaining your feelings.
Have a good day!
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
