embracing change

[june72]

Flomom,
I think you stated you are a biologist, right? Do you do scientific research? Because I love the way you examine and look at things. To me, like a scientist.
You seem to clearly identifiy issues, really throughly research things over, analyze it and then make decisions based not on emotion but wise judgement. I really admire you style of DBing.

It seems that you making decisions not out of fear but out of thoughtful insight.

I think your insights about hubby seems dead on. I like your plan about the co-parenting meeting. Seems smart.

I really have no wise insight or comments.

The only thing I can do is refer back to my situation. I lived in the day. I did no "what if" thinking (ok, I did occasionally) but accepted the way it was right away. C'est la vie, it is what it is. I never changed my strong mantra that I am for the marriage. I only wavered towards the end and stated that I would proably file a D eventually and let everyone know that my hubby was done and I really tried hard. Then he wavered....


Personally, I would often see signs of hubby wanting to recommit only to be burned. At the end I decided that hubby was done and was at peace with it. His desire to start over shocked me to be honest. I did not see it coming, honestly.

So, I guess I can say one thing. Behind the steeley facade I think they still are watching and evaluating you still. My hubby was really, really done. I knew that, my changed actions and confidence and regardless of the outcome did slowly draw him back. I never questioned my efforts b/c I did it for my children and myself. So that I would have peace in my heart that I really gave the M everything I had. That it really was all his fault that we were done. I could come out feeling "clean" of all wrongdoings (if I am making sense here).

I think most people DB with the goal too focused on what will get their spouse to return. I think it has to be focused on positive changes for youself and better interactions.

I often felt that our MC was not the greatest but she did say one thing that was very insightful. She stated that if you are off elsewhere (metaphorically speaking), content and happy and living an active life, not focused on your spouse. They will start to get interested in what you are up to and it can draw them back towards you.... Not sure if I am explaining that well...


Anyhow, liking you game plan...