Feels so bad right now. I'm trying to get a hold of myself so I don't overreact and lose sleep tonight. Journaling. H took son to activity tonight and then went to hardware store for a part for the stove. I gave him the key to the apt with the understanding that I get it back when he is done. That as long as no contact is being made and I have the key (old lock, they don't make blanks for it so he can't get a copy) I'm fine with him doing work there.
He came back angry. I should have let it lie, but since he says we don't talk to OW, I think, let's find out why. He starts by saing "where's my beer." I say FIL has it. Why does FIL have it. B/C I didn't think you would be going back over there. Don't I still have work to do? Yes, but I was going to finish it. I was protecting us financially by stopping your meeting place. You think I don't know you really had in mind having me go over there and find out that the lock had been changed? Yes, but that was before no contact. He expresses that he's very angry at me. I tell him that I'm angry at him also, I have a right to be. He took what was our first apartment, our first house together, and took another woman there to "F" her. He gets really angry and leaves to sleep on the couch. I sit in bed, then get up (I know, guys, I know) and tell him "I'm very hurt by your actions." He says in a very loud voice "You don't think I'm hurt by 10 years - 10 years of being hurt." I say "you're running away again. I'm hurt you run away rather than talk to me, rather than try to fix our problems. You just run away."
He says it's always been about you, well now I'm making it about me. I should have made it about me 10 years ago. I CAN'T talk to you.
And I leave before it can become worse. Now I'm lying in bed, wondering, did I just ruin it? Should I have not let him go over there? I figure it's emotional to begin with going over there since it was their meeting place, so he's starting off by being emotional about that, and then picks a fight with me. I was torn between validating and listening and standing up for what was right. I guess I stood up in the end, but now I feel empty, he's sleeping in the other room for the first time in our marriage.
I know this is a temper tantrum. He said I was "done" already, meaning he's going to D me. Another threat, but it hurts all the same. Trying to deconstruct what happened but it's so raw right now, and it's late, my brain is not functioning optimally.
Need to stand back and look at this objectively and see what needs to be repaired here. He just had contact yesterday.
Do you think he picked a fight in order to be emotionally ready to make contact again - that's popped into my mind. He may be looking for entitlement again.
It also strikes me that he made fun of my apology to him recently where I said I would own some of what went wrong in our M. I get a feeling he was saying too little too late, it hurts me too much, type of thing.
