still separated, in limbo, still hopeful

[newmama]

So in the last few weeks, I have felt confident and strong, then sad and destroyed, then angry and resentful, then confident, sad, angry--rollercoaster.

However I have made a profile on match.com but haven't posted it yet. I will do some hunting and reply with my profile but don't want anything serious at this time and the men that I like seem to want something serious! I need a year probably so I don't mess up something good you know?

When I was preparing for my trip to see my friend in MO, he asked a bunch of q's like if I was nervous, was I scared to go on all the connecting flights, asked if I was visiting my friend , right? (lol) asked if I would be staying in a hotel or at her place.

There have been some other things that will look silly if I post them here but I think he can tell I am not scared anymore and I am not kissing his butt.

I did install some childproof locks using the power drill and he was very surprised and impressed by that- he said "wow- that is impressive!"

Today I trimmed some branches in the backyard and didn't know if he would notice but he did and was surprised.

Now these are "independent" behaviors on my part, as well as traveling to visit my friend and figuring out how to maneuver through the airport, connecting flights, etc.

Some friends of mine are setting me up with a guy friend of theirs and I sent him an email asking him out (he already expressed interest). So maybe I will have a date this week!

Also, am going back to my therapist from last year, hopefully, to discuss this whole thing and how to cope with divorce.

NO I will not file. He f-d this whole thing up, he ruined S' future, he needs to be the one to initiate the whole thing. But, as he reminded me, we ARE separated so I am going to date!