I agree that is great advice. However, after doing something stupid this afternoon, I am pushed back down. After I picked up the tax papers from my husband's car, he sent me a text. I knew better to get sucked in, but yet I answered him. Of course, this generated into multiple text messages that went on for a couple of hours. He was more cruel with each text he sent.
Instead of just stopping, even though I knew I would be the one getting hurt, I found myself reacting to him. He tried to tell me he had never loved me and faked it for 33 years. I told him he should be in Hollywood then...he's the best actor I've ever heard of. He told me that he once loved me ever so briefly, but wanted early on to leave me. I asked him if that was after his affair. He said no, way earlier than that. I said, ok, after my miscarriage? He said no, it was 2 days after he proposed to me!! WTH?! Then he tells me that he heard me say that if anyone ever hurt me again that I would kill them. He was so afraid of me (again, I am not even 5' tall) that he decided to go ahead and marry me. Instead of ignoring him, I said are you sure you didn't hear girl talk when we say stupid stuff like we're going to kill a guy if he breaks our heart? He said no, I had this crazed look in my eyes and a vengeful, hateful expression on my face that scared him.
I told him he should sell that story to Hollywood for sure because that's all it is. A story. I said none of that ever happened and at the time you're talking about you were head over heels in love with me! As you were for quite some time...many years! He said no, the truth finally comes out now and I am just in denial that he had lied to me for 33 years.
Well, then I finally wised up and told him I had had all the crazy talk I could stand for one day and was going to stop texting.
My daughter met me and took me out to dinner. She had called me while this texting war was going on, got mad at him and sent him a text telling him to back off and stop treating her mother so poorly. While I appreciate someone finally standing up for me, I know it will do no good.
On my way home tonight, it hit me that h is on a roll mentioning my threats to kill him. Which I have never done!!!! Well, except for the phrase I'm gonna kill you, which we all say, and really mean you are in trouble now, buddy. So far, h has told me he married me anyway although he was supposedly scared to death of me, he slept in the same bed with me all last summer even though he was afraid I would kill him in his sleep, and he had the deputy sheriff here to serve me divorce papers because he said I was violent and he was afraid I would kill him. I sent him a text asking if his real father who beat him had ever threatened to kill him. He of course did not answer.
Could this be one of those situations where someone in MLC projects onto the wife something that someone else close to them actually did? In my opinion, he is following a pattern. He did something he didn't want to do, but was afraid he would be killed. He could not sleep at night for fear he would be killed in his sleep, and when he finally got up the nerve to escape, he brought in the cops to protect him from being killed. I think he is having memories of his tortured life when he was being abused by his father. When h and his mother left in the middle of the night, his grandfather was also there to protect them and help them move some of their stuff.
After talking to him today, I am more concerned about him than ever before!! For a while there, I thought I was talking to someone who was mentally ill.
Now, I want to let you all know that I have been yelling at myself all evening for getting pulled into this with him. I know better. I have read all the resources and know it does no good to be involved in his re-writing history. And yet, I got sucked in. What in the world is wrong with me?
