There is the fantasy of OM that I am dealing with. It did not get physical but she wanted that. He is married with 2 small kids. I think the real problem is her mother and her husband. Her mom is a child play therapist and her husband is an old school marriage C. This is also the guy that W saw while she was in highschool for her own child of divorce problems(her dad left her mom when wife was 7). Wifes Mom was a patient of this guy before he married her too. All in all they have no clue what a boundary is so MIL tells Wife, " if you like talking to OM then keep doing that. If it works out then it was meant to be." That is the kind of thing they talk about.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
The OM was her boss for about 3 years and they became friends. She always used the "he is a good mentor" thing as a reason to keep talking to him even though they no longer worked in the same part of the company. They have been meeting for lunch for the last 3 years "as friends" and I feel like a total idiot for not suspecting anything before the bomb. So, they have known each other for a total of 6 years. She has grown horribly attached to him.
I have left the in-laws alone. The last time I talked to them about our marriage was a year ago.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
We did all go on a nice walk as a family(well, all together anyways) with D8 on her bike and D2 in her push car. Wife showed some interest in my life as we talked while walking. On the way back D2 was walking holding wife's hand and grabbed my hand too. The both of us, Wife and I, walking our D2. It was so sad because I could tell what it meant to D2. She saw that I had a "boo boo" on my hand and wanted wife to kiss it! lol
That kind of stuff is brutal. My W was all too willing to do things like that, but it was killing me. I had to stop and push her away so I could start to heal. v1olin, your W sounds like she still has a massive emotional wall up around all this. Someday that wall will come down, but it could be years from now.
Saw a movie last night where a divorced couple who had to see each other again after nine years because their teenage daughter had run away from her Mom to be with her Dad. Watching those two talking made me uncomfortable. Old resentments intermingling with aspects of their current lives. Taking subtle shots at each other while also reaching out a little bit. Nine years is a long time, and there is no way I can possibly know how I'll feel after that long, but right now I sure can't see myself ever talking to my STBXW like that.
Since your W's A never made it to PA levels, that you know of, perhaps you do still have something on which to rebuild your M someday, but of course that would require your W to come out of her fog, realize her OM fantasy is doing nothing but hurting her life, and approach you about reconciliation.
My W steadfastly refused to end her R with OM, did advance it to a PA, throwing it in my face over and over, which essentially destroyed any chance of ever reconciling. Now we're battling in court over our kids. Not good.
