She did tell me that until one if us files nothing says that he has to do a, b, or c. She suggested I call his bluff and let him file so that he's starting the ball rolling to have a judge set what he's gotta do. Other than that, she said once a petition if filed by whoever, the court date to determine custody, support, control of the home, etc. woukd be set then. After that, we have to wait one year before we can file for the final D. She came recommended by other Ls and judges. Maybe I just used up my time and didn't ask what I should????
I an beginning to believe there's no hope. I've basically tried the LRT for almost a month and he's still saying "we" will never be again.
My daughter had a break down at school today. She told her teacher while crying that her daddy doesn't live here, that he doesn't love me, her brother or her and that he's never coming home. I think she heard my son tell my H last night that if he loved them, he'd come home. I'm heartbroken.
Are there any ladies who have children about the age of mine who's H up and left without any apparent reason after 17 years and is insisting on D, never working things out, trying to force you out of your home, unemployed as a result of all this, had affairs YEARS back, and whose H is severely depressed?
I was not quite in your shoes. But my only piece of advice is that it is still way too early! Within a couple of weeks of our separation my H talked separation of assets, banking issues, selling the house...blah, blah, blah. I chose to ignore, ignore, ignore. It is way way to early to be dealing with this stuff! Your H could be one very confused man, and has no idea what he is doing, or could think he knows what he's doing. But nobody knows this early in the game. You need to sit back and relax a bit. My MC gave me a timeline of 3 months before you take any kind of legal action and any action at all. Separation may be what he needs right now. Why rush into things? I was in your position as well. H was talking all the same things, dedicated to the end of our marriage. And where am I now? Happily married, presently looking for a bigger better home, and currently having discussions of making next child. If you need some hope, read my story...I'm in Newcomers...MY SUCCESS STORY...
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Just read the thread "bipolar spouse" in the WAS forum. In 99, our MC said that my H was borderline BP. Excluding the crying, because he gets angry, not sad, that's my H. Getting TICKED over mundane little things, never forgetting the negatives but always forgetting the positives, calling me names (lately his favorite has been to tell me that I'm dumb or when he wants to put it "nicely", to say "you're not stupid so why do you insist on acting like you really are this stupid?"), always walking on eggshells around him, insisting that he's not depressed or bipolar, and refusing to take any meds (he used to take antidepressants daily) for years now. It doesn't help that his family who rarely knows of details of our lives much less how he acts to me at home thinks I'm being a B when I say that he needs meds. They think he's fine. Although his sis is currently saying that he's got lots to fix about himself and is 100% wrong in walking away, she did say that when we seperated for nearly 7 mths last time, she like her brother. (She liked the person who desperately wanted me back after kicking me out and after I took his advice and GAL). Do I just sit here praying that someone else will see his true colors and make him realize that he needs IC and meds?
Maybe she'll tell him. She has said recently that he had problems before he ever met me 17 years ago that he's never fixed. But has also said that although it may be an act, he's a completely diff person when interacting with our D5 than he was b4 he walked away.
She wants to talk to him. She sees how I feel about our M, him, my mess ups 8&10 years ago, and how hard I'm trying and don't deserve this. However, she's scared to talk to him. He loves her but typically doesn't like her. She's the oldest and lives a nearly perfect life with a nearly perfect family and he's jealous of that. Also, he says she's always too busy trying to be everyone's mother so we're not sure what her trying to talk to him will do. She is the only one (besides the female friend of the family that he grew up with and they both swear are only friends) that has even thought of talking to him. Everyone else is too scared or don't feel it's their place because he's an adult and can make his own choices. I was raised completely diff. My parents and siblings will always be just that and if I'm doing something wrong or am not acting right, they're gonna deal with it, not ignore it because I'm an adult.
Well, last night he called our son and talked for a min. I was busy and so he called me later. He wanted to know if he could come get the kids Sat. morn. I expected him to go off when I told him that our S11 wasn't sure if he wanted to go with him. S11 said that he wants to think about it. H did not go off. Instead he sat silently for a min then changed the subject to S11's bday party and gift. H did not have a bad tone of voice. He wasn't sweet or said anything re our M but also didn't say anything about selling our house, D, etc. We'll see how tonight goes. Practice again tonight and he's supposed to be there. There go my nerves! Not sure what to think of H not getting an attitude last night.
K. H just called S11 to tell him not coming to practice and will be here Sat morn to get him and D5. Do I let him get away with calling S11 when making plans rather than contacting me? Seems he should talk to me rather than have an 11yo relay messages.
