I am starting a new thread based on the fact that there have been many positive steps in recent weeks but yesterday marked a significant change in my W and how she is acting towards me. We still do not have our Legal Separation Documents signed but I do not care at this point, I can honestly say I am happy with the direction things are moving in.
Below are the links to my Threads. The beginning of the “Doing Hard Time on the MLC Chain Gang” has a brief synopsis of my situation for those who are not familiar.
A week ago on April 2, 2010 my W and I went on a date and had a great time which I talked about at the end of the last thread. We also ended up sitting together at Easter Sunday Service, we met later that day to discuss the legal separation. Last Monday she came over to the house to pick up our S9 to take him out to eat and spend the night, she ended up staying at the house for 3 hours and I threw together a quick dinner for her and I and our S9. Our D13 sat in her room, she still will not talk to my W, but her therapy is going great.
Yesterday, I texted my W before church and asked if she wanted to meet for lunch to which she replied “I would like that”. So we went to lunch and I was expecting a light lunch then head home to get some things done. When the waitress came to take the drink order my W ordered a bloody mary…..hmmm I wasn’t expecting that, so I joined her in the bloody mary drink choice. We sat on the patio of the restaurant in the sun on a beautiful day with out a care in the world and had lunch and a couple of rounds of drinks. It was fun and light hearted we joked and laughed and smiled at each other. I thought lunch was over and when the waitress came back to see if we wanted anything else, my W was ready to order a corona and spend the afternoon with me. I told my W that I had a whole fridge full of corona back at the house and we could sit in the sun and that I needed to plant some flowers I bought the day before. My W promptly responded that she would come over and help. I almost fell out of my chair. Needless to say, we got the check and left.
My W did come over and we planted a few flowers but the corona’s got the best of us and we ended up sitting in the sun and listened to Jimmy Buffet and Bob Marley. It was nice. Our best friends who live right behind us ended up joining us when they heard the music and the 4 of us had a great afternoon sitting in the backyard in the sun and wasting away the afternoon. It was just like nothing ever happened it was like old times, fun times, the times before the nightmare. It was agreed that we would all cookout this Saturday night.
I am walking on air for sure but trying to keep my expectations at zero, I am expecting some sort of blowback but for now nothing has happened. She has not said that she wants to work on the M but her actions are speaking loud and clear. Until she says something I am keeping it light, fun and friendly…..absolutely no Relationship talk.
I can say this, I have tried very hard to be as friendly to her as I can be over the last couple of months. No pressure, just time and space. More time will tell and I will keep everyone updated as best I can. It is true though what is said in DR and on the boards that when things are going good people tend to not have time for the boards because they are busy working on the Relationship.
I do not claim to be a success story yet but it sure does feel like it is headed in the right direction. I will try to post as often as I can, I can remember always searching the boards for success stories, keeping my hope alive. I would find one and read it over and over again to see if there was something in that thread that I thought would apply to my sitch. I will say the one thing that is present in all successful threads is “TIME” . This stuff takes time, more than you think it will take. You have to make “time” your friend, not your enemy.
Last edited by missherlove; 04/12/1008:38 PM.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Thanks Jack, It is only advice that was once given me.
Not outta the woods yet, but just fot off the phone with MIL and she said that SIL was talking to my W and my W said she is thinking about moving back in. Not getting my hopes up, I am going to wait to hear it directly from her.
I'm outta here, its corona time!!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Couldn't ever forget the friends I have made here. The advice and support have gotten me through the worst part of my life for sure. I only hope I can give back as much as I have received.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Wow, sounds like you had a great Sunday! Your W sure seems to be coming along. Your conversation with your MIL also seems like you have a lot to hope for. But you are right to keep your expectations as low as possible and be patient.
Whatever you are doing, you are doing it right. She seems to be responding well. I look forward to seeing some more positive updates!:)
TF, Thanks, for the words of encouragement, you seem to be in a similar place. Cat & Jack were right about the race not being over, but I like the analogy too. I think that for you and I we look forward to when we can start to piece or rebuild the M. I still am waiting for the words to come "I want to work on us" or whatever those words may be. I want to hear them....to me that is the finish line of the race we are currently running, there is no doubt that the the race will continue on.
So my W backed out on the cookout with friends this Saturday, but wants to rescheduled. She felt bad because she had told her soroity sisters she would go out to eat with them b/c a long lost sister was going to be in town. (a little weak IMO but believable).
As we were talking just now on the phone about rescheduling a cookout with friends, she said that we could do it during the week too, maybe on "Little Friday". Well today is "Little Friday". For those of you who know me, you know what "Little Friday" is. Here a link, post number 1941716 Little Friday .
My W was coming over to the house tonight anyhow to watch our S9 while I take D13 to therapy. Call this pursuing, but I suggested that we have "Little Friday" on our back Patio tonight after D13 and I get back......She accepted invite. In fact she is going to cook dinner before hand also. D13 has soccer practice then therapy, so while D13 is at practice we will cook something on the grill.
Positive I guess, not sure but whatever it is I know its not bad.
Happy Little Friday Everyone......Corona's and Bob Marley at my house later tonight, everyone is welcome!!!!
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
Yes, I too am hoping for some kind of words or definite indication from H too about working on the M. Still lots of positives coming but nothing earth shattering yet.:) Patience, patience.
Your W coming over for Little Friday does sound like a positive. I hope she followed through and you had a good time!
