Ok. Just checked the mail and got a debit card for him. Apparently he's opened a seperate checking account. Do I just hand him the card tonight with all the bill info and say nothing? I opened it thinking they were mailing yet another set to us from when I lost mine a month ago. They'd sent four already so I thought they messed up again. Maybe he's opening his own account to deposit his check there, pay bills and only give me a small amount??? What do I do? We've had joint accounts for 14 years.
Do I take name off of our main joint personal account? We have two others together too. Our business checking and a personal one that's used solely to put money in so that our second mortgage pmts can be drafted.
Please read the above two posts. I need to know what to do. I'm dreading practice tonight. I know that I've gotta "go dark" and do the LRT but I'm not doing well. I've had to see him almost nightly for over a week and with his leaving being so recent, it's a little hard right now to act like I'm happy. I can't sit quietly and not talk or when I do, do so politely but I can't force myself to laugh and act happy right now. I'm feeling like this is never gonna happen. He's going through with it. It's been 19 days and in that short time, he's gone from moving out and wanting a divorce to trying to put our house up for sale, trying to discuss money arrangements to adhere to for the next year (when a divorce would be final), opened his own checking account, etc. He's making all of this happen so fast. He's wants it over YESTERDAY. His family hasn't called in over a week. I'm not sure that he's talking to them but regardless of whether he is or not, they don't seemed too concerned. His mother is scared to talk to him because (he gets it from her) if she says something wrong, he won't think anything of not speaking to her for a year. He's done it to his parents before. No one is trying to talk to him or help him or help my marraige. The only person that I know he's talking to is the family friend of his since the age of 4 and I'm not sure that I can trust her to talk sense into him. I'm losing hope fast.
Please go see an attny tomorrow. They will be able to advise you best. Your H certainly can open up any single account he likes. What he cannot do is take joint funds to fund his single account or remove you from accounts without your consent.
Do what City said and go see your lawyer STAT re: the accounts. I am not well-versed in any of that to give you a peice of experience, etc. But a lawyer will tell you how to handlet hat.
It's understandable to not be feeling your best and unsure of how to act around him but try try try to remain unemotional around him and just "get to business" kind of like at a work interview.
Originally Posted By: dedicated
His mother is scared to talk to him because (he gets it from her) if she says something wrong, he won't think anything of not speaking to her for a year. He's done it to his parents before.
Why does this not surprise me? Does he habitually sulk in your M? Just wondering cause I deal with a similar thing in my sitch. But again, it's not your problem.
Have you done IC? I strongly recommend it.
Oh and as for health insurance, if you can get it through your employer, sign up fast. Protect yourself, woman.
Had appt with L last week. She was interested in the details so that was the majority of my appt. She didn't give much advice although she is supposed to be the best around. He was out of town all weekend with a guy friend supposedly. He came back for our daughter's bday party. The party went ok. My F and one of my brothers refused to come stating that it was for the best. I was told by his sister today that I acted perfectly (like I was hurting but hid it gracefully and was pleasant to everyone) just as I had on Easter. This morning I had to call him because I needed him to tell the phone company that they needed to talk to me about our phones not working and to ask for money. The accounts were in the negative, I've not found a job, and bills are about to be drafted. That led into him telling me that I needed to listen to him and sell our house. He fussed that I shouldn't have let our son try out for football because now he's on a team at a school he may not be attending next year after the house is sold. He told me again that I need to move on with my life, forget ever working on our marriage, that anything that crosses my mind as a possible reason for him doing this should be considered as reason because it's everything. He says if I help him by agreeing to sell and getting a job, he'll help me by giving me money to live. Other mean stuff, etc., etc. He did deposit money into our joint account.
At practice, I asked if he had a nut driver because my skid plate had come loose and was hanging on by one bolt. Apparently when I tried to explain what I needed a tool for, I was speaking too much and he rolled his eyes. Instead if saying what happened, I just said "My skid plate is hanging and I need to remove one bolt, ok." Then I walked off. When I looked his way, he was giving me a look. I walked over, said "you oughtta know that I'm nervous saying hello much less asking for anything so you could take that into consideration instead of getting ticked when I rarely speak." He responded with "so can I sell the house?" Nothing more was said after that.
I called the L today to ask if it would hurt me if I agreed to sell. She advised me to call his bluff and the next time he asked tell him that if he wants a divorce to file and if he wants to sell the house out from under me to give it a try. She said not to agree on his word that he'll give me money to live elsewhere because there's been no papers filed saying that he has to do so. My children, three dogs, and I cannot share two bedrooms at my parents and so we'd have nowhere to go. She also said that if it sold, he could find a place before me, not give me money and use his having a residence to fight for custody.
My father and brothers are dying for me and my kids and don't trust my H at all. They want me to file if for no other reason but to protect myself. I agree but also feel that if I do, the two family members of his that do want to fight for my marriage would not.
Should I ask the L if she uses a mediator?
Soliel, as for an IC, I have no money. I'm not sure how much my priest can help but I do want to go talk to him.
Should I call his bluff and tell him to file? He says he will file and do whatever it takes to force me out of the house when he finds the time and money.
It seems odd to me that the attny you saw didn't take any time to go over the options, laws, policies and procedures of your state. I interviewed several attnys before I retained counsel and while they all did ask for a run down of the situation they also explained all my legal options.
I don't know what state you are in but do not verbally agree to ANYTHING your H says. In some states a verbal agreement can be binding.
If you do not have an income and your H has supported you, you may be entitled to short or long term spousal support. I am shocked your attny did not spell out anything to you.
Your H is behaving in a very abusive manner. You might consider getting a second opinion from a different attny.
