Even if she ends the A, she will not be ready for physical touch for quite some time. You have to stop trying to do that. She is still thinking about leaving b/c of her finding "examples" to point out to you at the potluck.

First step is her ending the A once and for all. Then she will have to go through the grieving process, and then she will have to get the right mind set before she will be interested in any kind of physical touching.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!