Maybe I didn't blow it?

[james217]

I'm in the same boat brother. Don't know whether to be there for her and support or to GAL, which i think we are all trying to do to the best of our abilities.

I think you need to "feel her out" every time you get together and let her do most of the talking and see what direction she takes.

My W talked a little about the R, but then quickly changed the subject and I didn't press. Its like they almost want to get back but don't know how and are afraid that they will be back at that unhappy place that made them want to leave.

I'm finding out for myself is how much am I willing to endure and for how long. This is obviously different for everybody but if there was a significant amount of time spent togeher, with children, Patience is your best friend but not a comfortable one.

I hear ya dude... My wife even made a comment a few weeks back about being "terrified of coming back and being unhappy again".

I guess I've just come to accept that if her and I are going to have a time together again, it will be because we want it, and not because I forced it.

In the meantime I will live my life as if we will never be together again, and make every moment her and I have together a positive one, up until the point where I decide I can't do it anymore.

I'm not at that point yet, and I can't even really speculate on when that will be, but I'm sure I'll know when it happens.

Geez... I'm impressed and the positivity I'm spewing here.

she's still confused dude. she's sorting through her feelings

Do you all think I would be a moron to email her? I'm not gonna ask her out, and I'm not gonna ask for validation, but I have this weird need to let her know how I feel.

And I don't mean that in a "I love you and I want you back blah blah blah" way. More in a I hope things are going ok for you and if you ever wanna talk or get together let me know, way.

I already told her that I didnt just "want her back"... But I feel like I need to clarify what I mean by that. Meaning, I want her to know that I just don't think its that easy.

I dunno... Just thinking out loud here.

I'm really kinda struggling with the pursuit thing. I don't want to pursue her, but she is a little receptive when I do. A little. If I don't pursue at all, I never hear from her... When I keep contact open, and friendly, and light, I seem to get more of a return... So I'm conflicted here.

in your M did she feel ignored alot? Did you pay her alot of attention?

I think the "get together part" may scare her off. She's already fearing coming home and being unhappy.

Just keep your convos short light and friendly (something i'm working on) and do alot more listening and assuring than talking