TTA - he's left you...that is his biggest irrational decision. You love him and are now accepting of him.
He's hurt, confused, and depressed. Is it possible he was fired and doesn't want to tell you? Is it that he knew that he wasn't doing his job well enough?
If memory serves, he's not on any ADHD drugs, so it could be impulsivity. If he wants off pot and to control his emotions, I hope his IC, you, or someone can get him some meds to deal with that.
If he wants to meet for coffee, maybe somewhere without memories of failures, what could it hurt? It would be a chance to remind him physically that you are there, perhaps of your soft touch, and that he has a reason to keep working (financially & emotionally). It is much less cold that a text message to say in person, "I'm worried that the stress might be too hard for you. I'm worried about my own sitch, too. Can you tell me what your plans are."
BTW - some ADHD meds can help with anxiety, too and lower the risk of depression.
