Hi Mila and FM...thankyou, I hope that I am detaching for my own good and for the kids too!
Question for anyone...
Had to talk with H today about house taxes. He mentioned noticing that the garden had been tilled and asked who I got to do it...told him the neighbor just took it upon himself and so then I asked about the lawn mower, if it was ready to go and he said he'd have to do a couple of things to it and try to get it going this weekend then he said that he had noticed the yard needed it and the old school house that S14 mows. Then he mentioned about S14 maybe doing some of the mowing jobs that H did here in town so told him that S14 had been approached by one to do that.
Not trying to read anything into this, just curious...it seems to me that he is not in as much of a fog (at least for now) and that he has thought of things and planned...do they do this in MLC?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Not trying to read anything into this, just curious...it seems to me that he is not in as much of a fog (at least for now) and that he has thought of things and planned...do they do this in MLC?
Yes, they didn't die. They will have clarity but the depression colors what they are thinking. So it doesn't always make sense. But then sometimes it does!
CW, I've noticed that my H has his times of clarity, too. Then as OP stated the depression colors it. He'll do or say things that will make us go, huh? Other times he is perfectly clear and rational.
Thanks SA-I do remember reading that on someones thread...maybe it was yours. What I was afraid to voice was that maybe my H isn't in MLC at all but is actually a WAS...not that it makes any difference at this point in what I need to do...thankyou!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
SA-I don't really know. He never acted like it!!! Always the life of the party when we went somewhere or had company. I am understanding that we don't always "see" it! I can tell you that he went thru several jobs over the last few years and was always wanting to buy something so I think that may have been a form of depression.
As for if he is depressed now, again, I don't see it. He doesn't talk to me about anything but kids and rental house. He is not laughing or jokey when he is here but don't expect he will act that way around me now. He is not communicating with his older son or his family so I take that also as signs of depression. If I am off base here someone chime in!!!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Do you notice anything different with his eyes? Does he seem to try to act happy? My D's call it 'fake daddy happy'. It's like he's wearing a mask. The strain and stress of the sitch is very evident in my H's face.
Not talking to his son and family sounds like guilt and depression to me. They seem to have a tendency to cut themselves off and withdraw from family and friends. It seems like if they do this they can go on like we don't exist. Makes it easier to carry on with the fantasy.
I will try and notice next time I see him. I have not been looking directly at him the last couple of times...makes it easier to detach! That is amazing that your D's have noticed it! How old are your D's?
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
I have a D17 and D11. I also have S26 and S23, along with two SS that I helped raise, SS35 and SS32. H had custody of his sons when we met.
All the kids have noticed a huge change in their dad's looks. Very gray including skin pallor. Before I found this site I was truly scared that something was very wrong health wise with him.
