I am feeling much happier in myself most of the time now. I am also scared like most of my fellow detatching DBers that I am also becoming so far away from my goal that I won't want it anymore. It truly is a double edged sword.
I found out today that the OM is having a distinctly tough time at work and is being very snappy and moody all the time much to everyone's chagrin. This made me smile, and then I felt guilty for wishing harm on anyone. He is however also still planning exciting adventures away with my wife at every opportunity. Escapism at it's best.
I think some of my mood is also lifted (and my confusion enhanced) due to some attention from a nice woman. I am making sure she is under no illusions about my situation and we are becoming online friends. I need to be careful with this, and so far I think we both are only seeking friendship, although she has so many of the things which I find attractive in terms of outlook in life, hobbies etc. I am aware of my own loneliness and neediness at the moment, and do not want to get in too deep, or hurt anyone. This is tough as many around me are pressing me to forget about the STBxW and move on.
So two women to be remaining strong about now! Life is never uncomplicated!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I am desperately trying to persuade myself to be truly GingAL and getting on with my plans this weekend despite being let down by friend. I am supposed to be doing the 400mile drive to my house in Scotland and was counting on her support as I have to drive past the place we got married just 7 months ago. House is also full of many memories of the STBxW, who still hasn't paid me the money that she owes me (but is happily spending in on holidays with the OM).
I NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER!
And realise that that house is one of my favourite places in the whole world, it relaxes me. It is a beautiful place which I love. I can walk the beach, forest, read, watch TV and wind down a bit. I have lived there with another long term partner. I have lived there alone. I have visited it with other women. I have lovely neighbours there.
Of course I should go.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
1. Eat my 5 a day and then some 2. Run once a week 3. Cycle to work at least on all standard day shifts 4. Do not check her email account (very much the hardest one of all) 5. Spend at least 1 hour a week reading work related material. I need to start seriously getting my head on track for exams next year. 6. Keep a beautiful looking house for when all my friends come to visit (WAW always complained about my housekeeping, so not entirely selfish GAL goal)
I'm expecting you lot to help keep me in touch on these and not be weak.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Had a fab weekend, despite initial doubts that I could in fact manage it.
Had a long chat with a colleague who's husband walked out on her as he was "in love" with another woman. She waited it out and made herself the wife she thought he wanted, and it worked. She told me some home truths about the OM, about how often he cheated on all the relationships he's had in the time they worked together. She reminded me there's no way it will last as he ALWAYS gets bored within 3 or 4 months. It gave me a lot of hope to carry on, at a time I was feeling really down after having 3 social engagements cancelled by friends.
I picked myself up from the doldrums and drove to my house in Scotland. Past the cottage in Northumberland we had our happiest holiday, past the turning for half the castle's we looked at in preparation, and also THE castle we had our wedding weekend in. It was a long 6hr drive with just me and the radio, but I made it. I stopped off at a couple of villages just because I liked the names - Twizzell and Old Mousen. I enjoyed the views of the sea up past Berrick. It felt like home to be back in my house up there, with the sea views, the tinkling boat bells in the harbour, the safe stone walls and woodburners to keep warm. The kitchen that is being installed looks fantastic. It will be worth the next couple of months of eating baked beans on toast to afford it all. It's amazing how a great feeling of serenity comes over me when I turn the corner off the A90 and can see the wide expanse of the Tay Estuary before me, the mountains behind, the beach in front. Over the bridge and I'm home. Mentally, emotionally and physically. I belong there more than I've ever belonged anywhere else.
I saw my neighbours and good friends, who were astonished to hear the news as they were also at our wedding just 7 months ago. I did lots of walking on the beach and in the forest. Took in the lovely views. Went to the cinema on my own and enjoyed the film, didn't feel odd or lonely at all there. Ran on the beach. Ate lots of fruit and vegetables. Watched some TV. Read a novel. Spoke to friends on the phone and chatted to my parents. I'm sad that I had to come back home.
I made some big decisions. The sea air is always good for that I find. New mid term life plan:
1. Have a faithful, decent, morally able wife - not sure if it will be a new one yet....... 2. Pass last set of exams and get a job in SE Scotland 3. Live in my beloved cottage, nap in the hammock beneath the apple trees and fall asleep to the sound of the sea 4. Watch the future kids and dogs running around on the sand
We'll see whether the STBXW chooses to join me in this dream, or whether the promise of that serially cheating OM, money, designer clothes, superficial riches and immorality can match up to it. I suspect not.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Had a great shift at work yesterday despite having the OM in my face. It seems he's having a rather torrid time. One of the nurses ambushed me in a corridor with "why is everyone being so nasty to OM?" so I told him, and he was totally shocked and understanding! Another day at work today, and then pub quiz afterwards. Monday I'm visiting the FIL for his birthday as I was excluded from the surprise party by the STBXW, and Tue I'm going to a social for the hiking grp I've just joined. Wed I'm out for dinner and then nightshifts Thur-Sun! Time just flies these days. Hardly ever think about the STBXW anymore. And when I do the only emotions I seem to feel is disgust and pity. I think I'm finally moving on! Hurrah!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Today went to see the FIL as it's his 70th. The STBXW was there and I managed to hold myself together and completely ignore her. I gave the FIL his card, wished him my best, said hello to the Uncle in law, and then made my excuses to leave. Proud of myself for doing it, as it would've been easier to drive away again when I saw her car. She was shouting after me as I left the house. Obviously wanted to say something to me, but as far as I'm concerned at the moment, she couldn't say anything of use as she's still living it up with OM.
Then went to see the surrogate MIL up the road as we have regular cuppas these days. She said the STBXW was looking as rough as she's ever seen her. Apparently at the 70th party at the weekend she had unwashed hair, no make up, awful outfit and was pale, pasty and quiet. Bring on the karma! The STBXW still hasn't been to see her (she still has the MIL's pearls which she wore for our wedding) but apparently they will meet sometime next week. The STBXW gave the MIL the strongest hug ever and looked so sad that she thought the STBXW was going to tell her she'd made a horrible mistake and could she help her sort it out.
We'll see what happens next week. Watch this space! I'm not even sure anymore I'd entertain reconciliation with her. She's got an awful lot to prove first.
I am in a great place right now. I have the Life of Riley, not them. My job is great, my social life is great, I caught sight of myself in the mirror in the lift today at work and am looking good.
The karma bus is coming!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Yesterday had a good day at work where I got lots of extraneous paperwork cleared up and some very positive meetings about some research I'm trying to get set up. Then had a lovely meal and some great real ales in the sunshine with a good friend, and wobbled home on my bicycle.
Today did a few errands, bought a few new bits for my holiday house which I will take up in 3 weeks time. Then cycled to the park and went for a run with a friend, cup of tea afterwards and cycled home. Mowed the lawn and did a bit of housework and just got back from the cinema after seeing Clash of the Titans. ALso managed to catch up with a couple of mates on the phone.
So the GAL and feeling good continues.
I'd love some advice as to how to approach solicitors meeting on Monday though. I'm not sure whether to continue to try and avoid divorce anymore, or just to go hell for leather and try and prove unreasonable behaviour on her part and get it over with as quickly as possible. I was initially for the former when I booked the solicitors appt 3 wks ago, but last 2 wks have been much more set on the latter. With the interesting evening with the surrogate MIL this wk though I'm not so sure again. I should probably therefore defer the decision until I'm more sure I suppose.
Any suggestions?
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
