You know the phrase I had been hearing in my childhood from American movies "just the facts madam" ? That's what I did (never acually managed it completely but I was close for a while).
You state facts re your son, schedules, chores, plans whatever and you dont ASSUME anything. You block your thoughts till he comes back to you with an asnwer. You STOP thinking of the two of you as "an item" because you are no longer one, you SHOULD KEEP your expectations to be treated respectfully the same way you expect that from a business associate, you strip all convos and interactions with him from any emotion, fake it at first, perfect it, then feel it.
Have you ever slow cooked a meal in the oven for hours for a dinner? You prepare it, get anxious about the outcome but the minute you stick it in, you dont bother anymore, you check from time to time, but you dont try it the first few hours because YOU KNOW it isnt done. You cant force it, if you turn up the heat, you will porbably destroy it, you know it's cooking but you go take a shower, make salads, set the table... Ok, maybe a bad example, I 'll try a worse one, have you waited outside an operation room for someone you love? You just accept it is no longer in your powers to do anything. You hope for the best, but you dont know what will happen. I had to do that for both my parents. The minute I accepted it was not in my hands, a huge weight lifted off my shoulders.
Accepting your only control is over what you do with yourself is the trick IMO.That way, the expectations will be about yourself, not about him.
I've done the poking, baiting, provoking, attacking, reasoning, begging, explaining, promising, hoping, mindreading etc etc. It didnt work. He moved out and I continued. I dropped the rope, he was curious. I felt happy, he was intrigued. I looked good, he was attracted. Silly I know, so much time wasted but not for me. People that generally dont like playing games like myself, find this process fake and not natural. But it is happening over and over again. Your only chance to have a chance is to be smart about it. Have a strategy instead of allowing him to throw you off balance, use your brain, not your heart.
At first, we are all taken by a surprise, but as of now my dear, you no longer have any excuses. You have got to play your cards wisely. K
