The latest with me

[ImprovedRomeo]

FM, her last email asking me to pick up DD's stuff from school for the weekend seemed a bit like chit-chat. I don't think she had to say any of it. Her last sentence thanking me and wishing us a good weekend with the exclamation point was a bit of friendly gesture...I think(?).

Should I ignore that email or say 'thanks for reminding me because I forget sometimes'? Why'd she write it? Is she feeling guilty? Is she anticipating a long lonely weekend for herself? is she trying to gauge how I'm doing? is she starting a conversation so she knows our whereabouts for the weekend?

At what point should there be any 'friendly chit-chat' or a friendly response from me? I'm not good at this but something tells me that I should ignore her last email for now and stay dark until towards the end of the weekend and then offer the b-day idea.

[alice444]

FM, her last email asking me to pick up DD's stuff from school for the weekend seemed a bit like chit-chat. I don't think she had to say any of it. Her last sentence thanking me and wishing us a good weekend with the exclamation point was a bit of friendly gesture...I think(?).

Should I ignore that email or say 'thanks for reminding me because I forget sometimes'? Why'd she write it? Is she feeling guilty? Is she anticipating a long lonely weekend for herself? is she trying to gauge how I'm doing? is she starting a conversation so she knows our whereabouts for the weekend?

First of all, I like the b-day email you crafted. Hmmm, I recognize some familiar wording in there On this- my 2 cents. Let her extend herself way more before you do any kind of in-kind response. Let her hang out there- it's not being rude, you're just busy. Do not respond, esp with a "b/c I usually forget it" kind of thing. Remember (if you still want to follow) the book says to be suspicious and not leap to respond when your spouse shows a step towards you. You'll never know why she said it- it could mean something or nothing. Remember, I'm trying to be cheerful and breezy with my H and sometimes I feel it a little for real and sometimes it's covering up misery- so you don't know. Don't rack your brains trying to figure it out- she doesn't deserve that much of your mind-time right now.

At what point should there be any 'friendly chit-chat' or a friendly response from me? I'm not good at this but something tells me that I should ignore her last email for now and stay dark until towards the end of the weekend and then offer the b-day idea.

My gut tells me you should do just that--

I hope you have a great weekend with DD!

[ImprovedRomeo]

My gut tells me you should do just that--

I hope you have a great weekend with DD!

The wording should look familiar because you wrote it for me a few days ago, thanks! :)But actually now I'm wondering if I should offer the cake idea at all. That might look like I want to celebrate her b.day with her. I don't right now.

I'm having a good weekend with DD so far. I took her to Michaels and picked up a scrapbooking kit and she LOVES it! thanks for that awesome idea. We also went to the farmer's market early Sat and got a few things she likes (dried presimans is her fav lately). She loves the free samples lol We walked along the back bay area, watched a movie, played together, had lunch in the backyard. She even played outside with the neighbor's kid for a while so all in all it was a great day.

At 8:40p she called her mom who was out. DD asked what all the background noise was and where she was. She said she was out at a restaurant (must not need the money afterall). Then quickly went outside 'so I can hear you better' hmm. Then she named the other two ladies she was supposedly with, the one she lives with and the one who's house they live in. The latter seems to be the 'advisor' since she was a WAW and on her second marriage now. Funny cuz my wife used to think she was a bit trailer trash - I'm convinced now! lol

Waking up has been hard for me lately in the alone quiet house. I start to think about her, however, I mostly feel betrayed as if she told me all the nice things about 'us' and then when it suited her she took off leaving me to fend for myself. She has a roommate, doesn't have a job. So she's got a built-in baby sitter, someone to split the house chores with etc. DD was saying the other lady gave her and her friend a bath last week and usually she does the cooking too.

One day I'll find a hot supermodel of a girlfriend that's 10 years younger just to piss XW off - I'm kidding! LOL

[flowmom]

SR, I think that the birthday thing would be mostly for your dd, not for your W. I don't think you want to give the impression that it's about your desire to celebrate her birthday...that would be pursuing.

I think some chit chat and friendliness is OK, but never taking it further than she is. And not predictable or reliable on your part.

[ImprovedRomeo]

SR, I think that the birthday thing would be mostly for your dd, not for your W. I don't think you want to give the impression that it's about your desire to celebrate her birthday...that would be pursuing.

Exactly, it's for DD and *I* know it but what if W thinks it's me trying to use DD as an excuse to be with her on her b.day? So I guess the question is, does the way it's worded make it sound like it's for DD only?

[ImprovedRomeo]

OK, I need some suggestions here. W replied to the b-day suggestion (she only took a day and half to reply):

"That would be nice, thanks. I don't know what time to meet but I hve a chiro appt at 3 so anytime after that. What days do you want to swap then? Maybe we can setup a googel calendar. I would like mothers day and sure you'd like fathers day too."

So she didn't indicate anything about the place, I'm thinking of suggesting a restaurant but it's always a bit uncomfortable when the restaurant workers sing h.bday and everyone turns around and looks. The other option is her place where there will be her roomate or my place but she'll have to drive back. So nothing is ideal but neither is the situation she's created for all of us.

DD still says a lot of stuff that implies that in her mind we're still the same family but mommy doesn't live with us anymore etc. But that's another post.

[flowmom]

That sounds like a good response. If the weather is nice I vote for meeting at a park or something -- bring the cake and candles.

[ImprovedRomeo]

You mean her response was good? in what way? she's always 'nice' in her emails and interactions if that's what you mean. She's obviously thinking this is how it'll be long term to suggest the calendar idea. Not that I really want her back the way she is but still it hurts to think that someone you gave so much of your lifetime to and were planning to be with them till the end is just fine moving on. Then, to think that my DD will have to be bounced around between houses and schedules. It sucks.

I'm on the 10AM roller coaster to nowhere.


Thanks for the park idea but if I get the cake and candles then doesn't that go against what you said earlier 'if you caretake her right now she won't respect you?' I guess I'm not sure what image I should project to her.

[alice444]

(SR)

(It's Juno, I don't know why they changed my user name without my consent here...)

I can't post in too much detail for obvious reasons. But I think you're over-thinking again and doing mental gymnastics (and yes, I recognized the language- was just teasing you ;-), which is exhausting.

Put it in her court: "let me know where you'd like to meet us. I'd like it to be [not too far from X or on the way to your house] so DD isn't out too late or we're not in the car too long"- you get the idea. When is her BD?

I know the feeling about the google calendar; we'll have to email about that offline. Get off the roller coaster by leaving the office for lunch or something. You might find yourself back on later, but try to take a break if you can.

[ImprovedRomeo]

NoNameAnymore? awww. It's so nice of you to post but you've got too many other things to worry about right now...you don't have to post here - only if you want to ok?