Today you remember whats going on, but unless you log it you will forget important details far into the future. I'd log the incident, but you may not want to waste the time.
I understand what you're saying. I think one of the problems is that she more or less guards her laptop and phone like they're her children, so it's not like there's easy access. Is my best option, at this point to just show her that I'm serious about moving on? Setting up a new bank account, things like that? There is one thing that she said last night that for some reason just hit me. She said that it wasn't like she saw herself even dating this guy, let alone marrying him, but the fact that she's gotten to a point where she actually wants to meet someone in person from online means that it's not going to work between us anymore.
For example, I've been in a terribly abusive situation. End the end treated worse than people treated their dogs. there was a period of itme where I was catching all hell, in all her actions, tone of voice, etc. Argued down, just to be argued at.
I did react alot, I did guess and say things like "are you cheating on me, etc?".
Well a couple of years later ( today ), she's flipping it around saying she was nice to me during this period and I was abusive to her.
Another example:
I could not lay in the bed with her, because she was hating my living guts. She cheated on me, and did not want to own her own [censored] in order to maintain her esteem. So she becomes increasingly "bad"...
So I would lay in the bed with her, and the tension was enough to make my chest hurt. If I did fall asleep I woke up feeling dumber...
I started to sleep on the couch in another room to protect myself.
Today, years later she says I didn't want to sleep with her, and would sleep on the couch. Even though I explained myself.
This is how they are, they will flip anything and use it against you.
I'd log it if you have time, it would be useful for me today if I had video, audio and logs of what was going on, so even she could understand that I have proof that she was instigating nearly all the things she complains about.
Take care of it how you want, and make sure you take care of yourself. Being cheated on will tear alot of self esteem out of you.
Ok, so lots to respond to. When I said she needed to think about her feelings, I was referring to her telling me last night that she had feelings for the OM.
Ugh, that's what I was afraid of. No, no, NO NO NO! This is the kind of touchy-feely crap that bad ICs tell their patients -- "find yourself." "Explore your happiness."
I think the better message to send your wife would be to "Look, if you're not happy, please let me know, because I'm not going to beg you to be faithful to me and I'm not going to sit around and wait to be your 'plan B'."
I guess that's why I started feeling stupid for saying what I did. The problem is, and her mom and I talked about it before, that she absolutely doesn't like to open up. Her mom said that she's been like that her whole life, and her mom is a counselor so if anyone would know, I'd think she would. So, I'm struggling with finding the right thing to say that will hopefully make her think without getting too sentimental.
I guess that I should trust that you guys know what you're talking about and that I'm probably not going to have a perfectly clear picture of everything later down the road.
Does anyone have any advice on how to handle a comment like this? She said that it wasn't like she saw herself even dating this guy online, let alone marrying him, but the fact that she's gotten to a point where she actually wants to meet someone in person from online means that it's not going to work between us anymore.
You still are in a better position than half of us. At least your in the same house. They all thought the same thing before they did it, but it is pretty bad that she's saying it to you.
Theres still alot you can do before you are out of there for good.
Thanks for making me feel a little better, though I do feel for everyone else going through even worse situations on here. So, what are some of the things that I should be doing?
