I don't think that all hope is lost, but it may take a long time before your W can reconcile with you. She was in a bad place emotionally when she began the EA with OM. I have a feeling that OM is still influencing her decisions. Put that together with what her therapist is saying and she feels pressured to get a D. She is confused and probably doesn't trust her own choices and that would be why she is listening to a "professional" tell her what she "needs" to do to find happiness.
I think you see your part of the breakdown in the MR. It is good that you are working on changing. The important thing is to realize that it cannot be to get your W back....but the goal is to become the man you need to be...and "can" be. When a M breaks apart, that is when two people are at their worst. But, you now have an opportunity to let your W see you at your best! Now, I don't usually recommend what I am about to say, but every stitch is a bit different and based on what you have said about her and her feelings in all of this, keeping a friendly R with her could be the avenue back to a M.
After the D, you must realize that she is a free agent and that there are no strings attached (either way) so it may be really tough to see her at events with other people. But, you will be free to date and it might prove to be hard for her to see you doing that also. She may realize that she still has feelings that she thought was gone.
I do believe she will have to deal with this OM b/c if he is still in love with her, he is not going to give up easily. In fact, I doubt that he ever gave up. She may have told you that she stopped the A,but if they work together, I suspect he pursued at least an EA with her. Do all three of you work together?
I will check back with you. It is certainly a dark time for you but try not to completely give up hope. I believe that if you will back away from her and not pursue at all, continueto stay friendly, GAL,and work hard on your changes.....anything can happen. I was almost a WAW and I did not thinkmy M had any hope, but we are together and my feelings are back to normal. There is always hope.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
